blogger web statistics

7 Stages Of Grief
Moving Through Denial & Anger

Authored by William G. DeFoore, Ph.D.

The 7 stages of grief were originally developed by the renowned Swiss doctor Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. Many people do not know how to grieve, and that can lead to a lot of problems, including depression and anger. 

Grieving is a part of life, and it is actually part of love. The more you love someone, the greater the grief when that relationship ends, whether through death or some other form of separation.

Here you will learn about the different grief stages, and especially how to move through the denial and anger stages, where you are most likely to get stuck.

And you definitely don't want to get stuck in unresolved grief. That can become a major barrier to the health and happiness you want.

What Are The 7 Stages Of Grief?

Keep in mind that everyone is a unique individual, and every person is likely to grieve in their own way. However, understanding these stages of grief can be very helpful to anyone dealing with this difficult and challenging part of life, loving and losing.

Do you have a story on grief and healing? Share it with us now!

Here are Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' 7 Stages of Grief:

  1. Shock. This is nature's anesthetic, kicking in immediately after the loss to ease some of the initial pain. It is natural, and yet it is not a good place to stay. When a person stays too long in shock, other normal emotional processes begin to shut down, leading to numbness, coldness and sometimes depression.
  2. Denial. This a kind of mental "shock," in which your mind refuses to accept the reality of the loss. Again, it is natural, but it is not a place to stay. Prolonged denial can lead to numerous other types of problems, with anger, depression and relationship problems.
  3. Anger. This is a big "No!" to the reality of the loss. It is a powerful and in many cases understandable reaction to the extreme pain of loss. Many people move through the 7 stages of grief without experiencing anger or having any anger control issues. If unresolved, the anger stage can lead to depression, bitterness and even anger addiction.
  4. Bargaining. This stage is a kind of confusion, where you actually look for ways to argue or "reason" your way out of the pain of the loss. This, like the other phases of grief, must be worked through to avoid further problems.
  5. Depression. Out of all of the 7 stages of grief, this one is perhaps the "stickiest," meaning a lot of people get stuck here, and don't realize it. As you could see in the above information, depression can result from not completing those earlier stages. It is a dangerous "stopover" in the grieving process, and some folks never leave that place.
  6. Testing. Things start to get a little better here. This is where you are starting to find solutions, ways to move through the stages of grief to resolution and recovery.
  7. Acceptance. Here is the resolution you need. Accepting the reality of the loss allows you to feel all of your emotions, heal and move on to new love and relationships.

By the way, as a professional counselor, I have a slightly different approach to the stages of grief. You can read all about my approach to the grief process and the steps to healthy grieving here. 

learn meditationMeditation For Emotional Healing

Have A Story About Grief And Healing?

Do you have a story about your own grief and healing process? If, please share it. Even if it is a grieving issue that you are still dealing with, it might be helpful to others to read about your experience in the stages of grief. Who knows, they might even be able to help you.

Since grieving is an act of love, feel free to write about the love you felt for your loved one, pet or other losses you may have experienced. Help and be helped as you move through the 7 stages of grief.

Feel free to also review our FAQ page (frequently asked questions), to see if your question has already been answered.

What Other Visitors Have Said

Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...

Signs Of Emotional Abuse In A New Relationship? 
I've been with my new partner now for 10 months. I feel like it has been a whirlwind of a beginning. He has had a lot of problems dealing with his ex-partner …

Family Vacation Gone Wrong 
On December 26, 2014 we all packed up the car at 5 in the morning and left on our 12 hour drive. We had planned to go to Salt Lake City to see the lights …

We Lost Our Baby And I Hate Myself For Loving Him 
I think things never started well. We met at work. He was at the time in another relationship with a woman with whom he has a baby, however we didn't …

Wife's Father Died And Now She Is Angry 
Hi. My wife's father died about 10 months ago. My wife was very close to him and is now depressed over his death. It was sudden and unexpected. Since …

Birthmothers Never Forget 
Six years ago I gave birth to a sweet little boy. I however, am not blessed enough to raise him as my own. I just wanted everyone to remember that a birth …

If It Was Only Me 
"How I wish I could bring back the fun time To the moments she had just a little breath The fond memories will forever linger within me Oh, how …

A Picture From Chris 
My youngest brother, Chris, was murdered on Jan 4, 1981. He was 28 years old, the youngest of 5 children. As a family we were devastated! A few months …

Feeling Guilty Now That My Lovely Aunt Is Gone Not rated yet
My aunt was 88 years old when she came to live with my family and me. We took her in because she was all alone. She raised me from an infant. My mother …

Loss Of My Mother And Difficulties With My Grieving Family Not rated yet
My mother passed away January 29, 2013. I have gone through several stages of grief in a one week period. I feel as though I am still in shock but at …

Sensory Overload From Multiple Losses Not rated yet
Two years ago I went home to help with my father's treatments for leukemia. Two days after I came home, he decided he had had enough and went home. Before …

We Never Heard The Phone Ring Not rated yet
My Mom had been diagnosed with lung cancer a year and a half ago. She had radiation and chemotherapy to help her pain. It had spread from her lungs to …

Losing My Husband Last Month To Cancer Not rated yet
My husband and I were married for 38yrs. I'm 57 he was 56 when he passed away June 12th 2012. He was a strong proud man who packed garbage and worked …

I Desperately Want To Hold My Hurt Inner Child Not rated yet
There's been such distance between me and my inner child all these years, like we'd lost each other. All the years of rejection and feelings of abandonment …

Widow With Young Twins Not rated yet
My daughters lost their father a week before kindergarten due to an accident at work. One of my daughters seems to be doing okay. The other daughter is …

My Big Brother Who Was The Greatest Person I Ever Knew Not rated yet
It has been 4 years since we lost my brother Darren. When I let myself think about him I still have an ache in my heart that is unbearable. I have no desire …

Abandonment By My Partner Of 20 Years Not rated yet
My partner of 20 years, 3 weeks ago came home and told me he no longer was attracted to me, and that he wanted a separation. There was no real answer …

Losing My Mother To Cancer Not rated yet
On May 1st, 2011, after a five year battle with cancer, my mom passed away. When she was first diagnosed, it was simply a lump in her breast. Hearing the …

Death And A Threatening Sibling Not rated yet
It's been over a year since my 80+ mother died (following my father by 5 years). I'm 60 years old and have become socially withdrawn and unmotivated. …

My Grief Life Not rated yet
When I was 4 years old, my mom died in a car accident. I woke up one morning and she wasn't there. She didn't make me breakfast or kiss me on the cheek …

I Am Angry And This Is Really Not Like Me Not rated yet
I always feel angry. I sometimes get little urges just to punch somebody in the face, even if it's my mother, brother, sister or even a stranger. It can …

Married But Still Angry At Emotionally Abusive Ex Not rated yet
My ex-fiance and I had an emotionally abusive relationship for the last eight months of our four and a half year run. I married my best friend a year …

Help Before I Ruin My Life And My Family's Life! Not rated yet
My name is Randy and I am a 21 year old male. I know I've had an anger problem since I can remember. Seeing my dad hit my mom when I was a kid or raise …

Losing It All And Still Going On Not rated yet
Where to start? My Father has just been re-diagnosed with cancer. Several years ago he was diagnosed with bowel & prostate cancer. He subsequently had …

The Pain of Losing a Loved One Not rated yet
My aunt was the most influential person of my life and I loved her since I was a little girl. She literally changed my life forever. She was one of the …

Click here to write your own.

Six Years Since My Mother's Death And I'm Still Having Issues Not rated yet
Today is the anniversary of my mother's death 6 years ago. That year it was Mother's day when she died. Mom was ill for several months before her …

I Think I've Lost My First Born Son! Not rated yet
As far as I know, Jimmy is still alive. However, he has put himself in a position to alienate himself from our entire family. He has stolen his younger …

Grief At The Loss Of My Husband Not rated yet
My husband found out he had esophageal cancer July 15 2010--he had a back ache. Just how do you deal with the treatments they have done that took away …

Reliving My Childhood And Trying To Heal My Inner Child Not rated yet
I'm a beautiful, young woman. I've been sober for 8 years and recently celebrated my belly button birthday of 30 years. I am struggling. I dove …

How Do I Grieve My Loss Of Self? Not rated yet
G'day from Australia. I am a little scared, but here goes... I am now 50, and feel as if I have just discovered how much I abandoned my inner child. …

The Emptiness Of Being Parentless Not rated yet
My father passed away when I was eight, and I have always found support and love from my eldest brother and mum. My brother then passed away too, and …

My World Fell Apart Not rated yet
I was raised by a single mother. My father was not around very much. He would always call my brother and I and say that he was coming to visit on a certain …

Worried About My Brother After My Son Was Killed In An Alcohol Related Accident Not rated yet
Hello. My son died in a car accident. It has been 5 yrs. My nephew was the person driving, and alcohol was the problem. I am getting by every day. I …

My Story Of Grief And Loss, Not Much Different From Yours Not rated yet
Hi, I'm not sure I can tell you that I have a healing story. However, I can express to you "my story of grief," which I am sure that you hear many. And …

So Much Rage And Anger After Multiple Losses Not rated yet
Two years ago my mother and father died 6 weeks apart. My mother died of a sudden brain aneurysm and was in the hospital for 7 days before we had to make …

I Am So Confused Since My Dad's Death Not rated yet
I am just so confused. I don't know if what I am going through has to do with my dad's death. Well, he passed away two years ago and since then nothing …

What If Letting Go Of The Pain Means Losing Everything? Not rated yet
I have been trying to put my thoughts into words since you asked me to tell you my story. I started reading about anger management and wrote 4 pages about …

Coping With The Recent Death Of My Mother Not rated yet
On July 1, 2010, I lost my mother to a massive heart attack. It was such a shock. I will always remember sitting in my office, and receiving the call …

Finding Hope  Not rated yet
My name is Teri. I'm a 40 year old mother of five children. Recently I've discovered that I'm angry about a few things that I've experienced in life, …

Why Don't They Pay? Not rated yet
I am very angry but just have no way of actually acting on it. I'm angry with the hospital that killed my mother and the coroner who stated that she died …

I Feel Like I'm Drowning And I Don't Know What To Do Not rated yet
My wife died 2 years ago this May. We have a 17 year old and a 6 year old. The marriage wasn't that great. I didn't really want another child, but my daughter …

Dealing With My Mother's Death Not rated yet
At around 9:00AM on a Tuesday morning, my mother came to my house to pick up my daughter to spend the night with her. Everything seemed normal. She got …

The Accident Not rated yet
When I was eleven my father died. I remember sitting on the living room couch in my grandpa's lap with my little brother John sitting next to me. My …

My Life And My Parents' Divorce Not rated yet
I was very young at that time, probably five years old. I remember very little details, but to make the long story short, my father abandoned our family …

Redefining The Word 'Grief' Not rated yet
Let's play 'Word Association' If I say to you the word 'Grief', chances are you will reply with the word 'Death'. About 3 months ago, before I lost …

How Are Your Funeral Manners? Not rated yet
My sister died following a 7-year battle with cancer. I was in my 30's at the time; she was 46. My sister was a very successful health care provider who …

The Loss That Keeps On Giving Not rated yet
My father wasn't young when the diagnosis came through that he did in fact have cancer. And being that he is who he is, it was also no surprise that it …

It's Your Grief Not rated yet
Some years back, I lost a child before birth. We named him Henry Michael, after two great-grandfathers. The death was unexpected and sudden. I did …

Click here to write your own.


We receive commissions on Amazon sales on this website.


Show / Hide

New! Comments

Have your say about what you just read! Leave me a comment in the box below.