Retired Military Guy Anger Level 8-9

by Brent
(Gurnee, Il)

I'm a 52-year-old retired Army veteran, and lately, I find myself feeling really angry—like an 8 or 9 out of 10—way too often. This all started a couple of years ago after a big fallout with my oldest daughter. It began roughly three months before our argument when she met this guy online. He claims to be transgender and has multiple personalities, and he lives in the UK. Although I wasn’t thrilled about it, I initially kept my cool and even talked to her about it a bit.

I grew concerned about how much time she was spending online, only talking to this guy. When I finally brought it up, well, she exploded, accusing me of not wanting her to be happy. So, I backed off, but the worry lingered. This was essentially her first big romance.

On the day of our fallout, I asked my daughters to help me with some things from the car. They did, although reluctantly, and afterward, my oldest headed straight to her room to chat online with him. I wanted to have a talk with her, mainly about helping out more around the house, but somehow, the conversation pivoted back to her friend. I honestly don’t even remember how it shifted, but she got upset because I referred to him with the wrong pronoun.

Things escalated fast. She challenged me by saying, "So, what are you going to do about it, Dad?" I lost my temper, yelled, and ended up slapping her. Since that incident, we haven’t spoken. I’ve tried apologizing sincerely multiple times, but nothing’s worked.

About a year later, I took up an admin job, helping Navy sailors with scheduling flights and offering advice. It was a bit of a distraction, but the rift with my daughter still hurt. The job eventually became too stressful, so I decided to quit, hoping it would relieve some pressure, but it didn't help as much as I thought. Plus, I got the sense my wife wasn’t thrilled with my decision, which led to tension between us.

The day I quit, I explained my reasons to my wife, looking for some support. Her response? "I don't have anything to say." That really stung. Since then, our relationship's been filled with arguments and yelling. After 25 years of marriage, the thought of divorce is hard to swallow. I even tried involving her sister to mediate, but that just backfired and made her angry.

After one particularly huge argument, I found myself locking the bedroom door to escape the chaos. My wife shouted all kinds of hurtful things, so I ended up calling someone to help take her away because it had gotten that bad.

I really need some guidance on how to move forward. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.