My Brother, Their Son, And Our Family Business

by Caitlyn

Hi there, my name is Caitlyn...and it feels like my life is falling apart. And I don't know what to do:

My parents started a lucrative construction business 30 years ago, that my husband and I began working for 10 years ago, and everyone's goal was for us to run it one day when my parents retire. We are more-or-less at that stage now. 8 years ago my parents hired my little brother with the same goal in mind. We'd all one day run the business together. A little back story on my brother:

He's currently 26 years old and is living at home with my parents. He has never paid rent, bought groceries, paid for gas (the company does). My parents monitor his where-abouts with a tracking app, and have tried forcing him to save his money. He also gets to live by himself in their house for about 6 months out of the year when my parents go on vacation out of country...

In regards to the business, things were running relatively smoothly until about 5 years ago when my husband and I noticed a big personality change in my brother. We'd catch him: drinking on the job, sleeping on the job, fishing on the job (yes...fishing), showing up late or not at all, lying, stealing...all of which have put our company in jeopardy. And when we tried to inform my parents of these behaviors, they'd always follow the same pattern:

They would first get angry, then talk to Austin, believe his lies/excuses, try and smooth things over between him and my husband and I, then let him continue working for the company.

But as his behavior seemed to worsen, my husband and I dug deeper and discovered that he has a massive gambling addiction and drug addiction. My family and I were devastated to find this out.

The plan of action I had in mind was:

-for Austin to go to a long-term rehabilitation facility for several months (one that focuses on getting clean, understanding the underlying problems, teaching responsibility, accountability, building a good work ethic, teaching important life-skills, etc.)

-if he refused to accept rehab then he would be fired, kicked out of the house, and left without an inheritance (so that he would feel compelled to go)

-and when he'd come back from rehab, he'd have his job waiting for him.

-He'd stay at my parent's house but my parents would set boundaries (with work and at home). Such as no drinking or doing drugs of any kind, no more partying, etc...or he's kicked out. He'd have to pay rent (maybe my parents could secretly put that rent money aside to gift him when he does decide to move out on his own). All the while, he'd try and save as much money as he could (since he blew it all on gambling/drugs/alcohol).

Instead, my parents decided to keep doing the same thing they've always done...enable him.

At first, my parents said no drinking/drugs or they'd kick him out...he admittedly drinks and does drugs. My parents said they'd drug test him once every few days...they maybe do it once a week and I have reason to believe that his samples have been tampered with...often coming back as "inconclusive". They said one more step out of line at work and he's fired...he's messed up several times and still has his job. They said he has to go to rehab...they settled for a lame face-time therapy session once a week (that they pay for). They say they're going to charge him rent...but they take that money and invest it for him (so he knows he's getting that money back). They still buy his groceries, manage his doctors appointments (he has some health issues...my guess from the alcohol and drug abuse), provide a roof over his head, track him with an app...protect his job, and all in all continue to enable him.

When my husband and I point these things out to them, they get agitated with us. They want to believe so badly that he's doing better...to the point of which it clouds their judgement. I feel they're making all of these decisions from a place of guilt, worry, and fear...fear of losing him. But I think it's just making it worse.

And I wish I could just walk away from it...be able to love them all but keep them and their drama at a distance...but it affects our livelihood. If the Superintendent ever suspected drinking/drug use on the job site, our company's reputation would be finished. But my parents block us at every turn...won't let us fire him or punish him. Even though they've repeatedly said, "If he wasn't our son, he would have been fired years ago". We'd even be fine with the idea of firing him and giving his percentage back to my parents...then they can do whatever they want with it.

I don't know what to do...but it's tearing my family apart.

Thank you for listening,

Caitlyn