Why I Hit My Husband

by Aliya
(Illinois,USA)

My husband is a pilot. He cheated on me so many times.

We had an arranged marriage 23 years ago. I found a lot of things. 14 years ago, the kids were little, which gave him a chance.


We fight a lot, sometimes physical. I love him a lot, but he does not respect me at all. He pushes my anger buttons.

I am nice with kids, nice at work. What is going on when I see his face? I find it once again--he was cheating on me. He tells me he goes to these women for attention whenever I hit him.

Is it right, or not?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Aliya, and thanks for telling your story here. First I will say that the hitting has to stop. That is only going to get you into trouble, and he will continue to use it to justify what he wants to do. If you can't stop hitting him, then you need to get away from him.

You said one thing that I think is very important. You said "he does not respect you at all" and that you "love him a lot." That will never work. Those two statements do not match up. If he does not respect you at all, then you cannot really love him, unless you have a very self-destructive form of attachment.

I suggest you read the following page and follow all of the recommendations you find there:

how to manage and heal your anger

It will also help you to learn to feel better about yourself, once you've started managing your anger better. Learn how to raise your self esteem.

You will find the help you need on those pages. You have to learn to heal your anger and love yourself, Aliya.

Believe in your good heart.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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