Wanting To Get My Anger Under Control

by Madeline
(Arkansas)

I am a fourteen year old girl with major anger issues. I get so mad that I yell at my parents and brother, and on occasion (mostly lately) I hit my brother.

My brother and I cause major problems in the household. My brother is failing out of school, and I'm a perfectionist who is overwhelmed.


My parents yell and my father has anger issues. He isn't abusive, just a jerk sometimes.

I have problems with self harm also. I told my parents that I think I need help, but they just put it aside. I was not self harming for about a year, but I started doing it again.

My parents don't know I still self harm. They like to joke about the fact that I used to (at least that's what they think).

I have no idea where to even start with getting better.




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Madeline, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell that you're a very bright girl, and I'm glad you're motivated to get help. I will do my best to offer you some guidance and ideas.

Although it might be hard to believe right now, your anger is there for very good reasons. You need to know what those reasons are, to understand and heal it. Your anger is your protector, and it wouldn't be so strong if you had not been hurt.

Your anger might also be an effect of your father's role modeling with his own anger.

I do want to say one thing before continuing. I am very sorry that your parents are so insensitive as to joke about your self harming. That is nothing to joke about. What I'm going to suggest, by the way, will hopefully give you some relief from the urge to self harm. Self harming behavior is an effort (as you probably know) to bring the pain that is inside you out in a visible and physically "feel-able" way on your body. I will recommend some exercises that will help you get it out in healthier ways.

Start by doing the exercises you will find on this page. This will help you to understand and heal your anger. These are powerful tools, Madeline...and they only work if you use them.

Meanwhile, I suggest that you start out by focusing on the positive aspects of you as a person. Some of the exercises on the above linked page will help you with that.

I can tell from what you've written here, Madeline, that you're a good person. That's why you don't like the anger, and that's why you care enough to reach out for help here.

If it seems like something that would be helpful to you, I'd like to hear from you again, with another story on this site, giving us an update if you try some of these techniques.

You are worthy of the good life that you want for yourself, Madeline. If you use these tools, I think it will really help you start to feel better. And the better you feel, the closer you come to the awesome person you truly are.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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