The Angry Duckling

by Olamide
(Nigeria)

I have a serious anger problem. It seems serious to me. And I have done a lot to reduce it or if possible, rid myself of it completely. I tried using music. I prayed a lot but it seems God doesn't want to answer this prayer.


When this heavily fueled kind of anger came, is not what I'm sure of. I suspect it started as I was becoming a teenager. I am sixteen years now. What I have come to realize is that whenever I explode, it doesn't end well. I never expect it to be so. After all what I do is wrong.

The main problem is that once the anger has reached its peak (which looks very easy to get to), it seems as if there's no going back. I shout here and there to whomever I please, in severe cases, I hit people, and at the moment I am not thinking right, it's like I am possessed.

Now, the deed has been done! I've come back to my senses and I feel really bad. I have severe headaches, my face is all red and I cry and hate myself more than I ever have. It's like I should go back in time and undo all or die trying. At that moment, I have a strong urge to die! Because, I have thrown a tantrum and disgraced myself (usually in front of my siblings and friends) and my parents.

And the worse part is that I never mean harm in the first place. And it hurts to say I'm sorry, no one's really interested in my apology and I feel even more stupid. This has destroyed the relationships that I have with many people, including my family.

My siblings say I am scary. And because this has happened countless times, no one trusts I can change. I have pushed many people away. I don't really have any friends. The few I have treat me as the friend they are only having so that my feelings are not hurt or something. My elders perceive me as rude. I don't really blame anybody. I blame myself!

You'd think by now, I'd have learnt a lesson and avoided mistakes. I've been beaten up many times! I should learn!

I wish I had someone to talk to, someone who wouldn't judge me. I would probably feel better. Did I mention I hate myself and my life?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Olamide, and thanks for telling your story here. You are apparently a very bright person, from the story you've written here. You express yourself well, and you seemed to have given a lot of thought to yourself and your situation. I will try to help.

It may help you to know that I am familiar with the type of anger you describe. The techniques you will find described on this FAQ page, as a matter of fact, will help you deal with the anger that takes you over and seems to have a life of its own. I encourage you to do all of the exercises, and if you do I think you will get some good results.

You may also consider this online anger management class. It is designed for teenagers such as yourself, and I endorse it so highly that I am an affiliate with the parent company, A.J. Novick Group, Inc.

One way or another, I hope you will get the help you need, Olamide. You are worthy of a good life, and the anger you describe will, as you know, make you very unhappy. There is a story behind your anger, and if you do the above exercises I recommended, you will get to that story and heal the cause of your anger.

I wish you all the best in your healing and creating a good life for yourself.

Dr. DeFoore

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