Risking To Lose The Love Of My Life

by James
(Manchester, England)

It's the same with my aggression--I would never harm her in that way. I just can't control my anger.

I get jealous over the littlest things. I love her so much but I'm scared of losing her to someone else. I'm just being her friend. Still in the meantime I can't control my love for her. I have been reading the techniques on how to lower my aggression level but I just want her back.


She's the love of my life but she doesn't believe me on what I'm saying about wanting to change. And because she has met this other man and he hasn't done anything like I have, she believes he's telling the truth and that I'm lying to her.

I just want her to know that I'm determined to become a more loving, caring person. This is different, as I have no feelings for any other girl. And that is strange because when I say feelings I also mean by looks. I'm attracted to her and no one else.

She doesn't believe my word on that either but I wish to save my relationship with her and be with her till I'm dead if that makes any sense. I need your help, but I want this girl back soon, because I'm afraid I'm going to lose her soon.

I will never leave her and never give up on the love I have for her. She is the love of my life and I will never feel like I do for her ever again.





Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello James, and thanks for telling your story here. It is so very clear that you love your girlfriend, and that you love her deeply. You love her so much that you need her, and that is not healthy for you or for her. As crazy as it sounds, part of love is letting go, and without letting go, love turns into possession and a feeling of captivity for the other person.

The only way that I can help you is to offer you some perspective about relationships and what makes them work. I suggest that you read all of the following pages and follow all of the recommendations on each one:

signs of jealousy

To control your anger do all of the exercises on this FAQ page.

You have to become a man who has value and is attractive in your own right, James. You can't "get someone back" out of desperation and need. That just won't work. You have to create a life and a relationship with yourself that will draw the other person to you because of the value you offer.

There is nothing easy about this, but if you set your mind to it, you can do it.

Believe in yourself, James.

My very best to you,