My Lessons From Bad Relationships And A Little Advice

by Lorraine
(Leesburg, AL)

I have been in several bad relationships since childhood. There are things that aren't taught to you in school to warn you of these situations. You are told to believe and trust your parents, even though they might be the very ones that are harming you.

As an adult, I have been exposed to people and situations that I never dreamed of nor knew about. There are a lot of sick people in this world, and it is hard to know that until years later. I have come to learn about homeless people who were drug addicts, and didn't want a real home.

I found out about alcoholics the hard way. Even people who only drank socially or had two drinks in their own home can become violent. There are those who are also controlling. You are told how to dress, what you can and can't do, where to go, that their opinion is the only one that counts, or that they are somehow better than you.

There are people who will take advantage of you as a friend, and take everything you have when you least expect it. I have also learned that if you desire someone when you are desperately lonely, you can still be lonely because they weren't the right one for you and it is even worse!

When you think you've had enough, the bottom will fall out, and then you will panic and want to die. In that moment, you are truly suffering. It is like dying. You want to scream, throw something, panic, get swallowed up in the ground, runaway, get revenge, vomit, take your own life, and cry till you are sick and have a really bad headache. Truthfully, it will last for several hours. After that, you have decisions to make. You know what they are.

My advice...try to have a plan before the it gets as bad as I’ve described. Even if you only can take one step at a time or one step a day. Any action is better than none. Find a church, a group, caring friends, anyone that can help you in at least one way. I don't mean moving from the frying pan into another fire! Look on the Internet for help.

Try the Salvation Army and 211 Helpline. They usually have resources to help and refer you to. Even if you called the Battered Women's Hotline, they have resources as well. It also helps to just talk it out with a professional over the phone.

If you are around an alcoholic, try not to get them riled up. Leave the room, the house or the relationship, whatever it takes to stay out of the way.

It is always wise to pick your battles. If your words are going to get you thrown out, bite your lip, leave the room, get some air, calm down, and don't get into it. Close the bathroom door and cry if you have to. My best advice for all of the above situations is to not make any more unwise choices.

In the meantime, chin up, take one day at a time, breathe, and make some sort of action plan if you can. Hide money or valuables, or open a bank account. Get on food stamps. Go to the food pantries in your city. Go to different churches to see what they can help with.

Last, but not least, write about it. Just write your feelings down on paper. Anything and everything that you are feeling. It helps not to be carrying all of those burdens around on your shoulders every day. Each day has enough of its own troubles. Deal with that day only. Be brave and don't let them destroy you!

You are worthy and important, and maybe you don't feel that way, or see it, but one day, you will have something to hope for and improve upon.

I am still stuck in a rut, to say the least, but I still have my life to look forward to whenever I am able to claim it. I have dreams, goals, wishes, and wants. I have suffered for years, and gone without, but I will keep trying until I am dead and buried. That is why they call it “life.”