My Husband Screams All The Time And My Heart Has Gone Numb

by Tisha
(California)

He yells all the time. He calls me a moron if I don't understand what he's saying and dare to ask a question.

He calls himself a genius even though nothing to show for it, he's only worked about a total of 1 year out of the last 20. He blames it all on me though I have worked for the last 20 years with the same employer.


He blames the country, blames the state, blames me for his woes. When I don’t arrive home on the mark, he panics and calls me 5 or 6 times. I could go on and on. I don't know what to do. Its gotten to the point where I have become emotionally numb. I want my heart back!



Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Tisha, and thanks for telling your story here. The numb feelings you are having are your body and minds’ way of protecting you from the same pain and anger you’ve been feeling all of these years. It’s like your heart has built an invisible wall around itself to protect you from the ongoing abusiveness from your husband.

The fact that you have chosen to stay with your husband through all of this tells me that you either love him, or that you're afraid of leaving...or both. I'm sure you know there are no easy answers here.

The real question is, Tisha, what do you want? If you want him to change, that could happen...but it's out of your hands. It's entirely up to your husband as to whether he changes or not.

If you want to be happy, then you will need to decide that you are going to be treated with love and respect in all of your relationships. And it's up to you to take the steps to create those types of relationships. If your husband is unwilling or unable to treat you with love and respect, then you're going to have a very hard time being happy in your marriage.

I encourage you to learn about letting go of a relationship, and follow the guidelines you find there. This is a matter of connecting with the love in your heart, Tisha, and making up your mind that you're going to have love in your life again.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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