Messy Rooms

by Justin
(Portland, Oregon)

Just recently on my day off, I went through the house and gave it a very detailed cleaning. I did laundry, dishes, the whole nine yards. And on top of it all I have 4 very energetic kids. So they had gone to their rooms to play and made a huge mess and didn't clean up after themselves. They got their clothes out for school the next day and some clothes fell off the shelf. So instead of putting them back, they threw them all in the dirty laundry.


Meanwhile, my mother in law's dog is busy tearing up something and pissing on my carpets downstairs. So as I'm getting furious with the dog, I go upstairs and realize all my hard work in cleaning and organizing is all messed up. So I'm ticked off over that, and then I realize my wife is not home, as she has walked over to her cousin's house, and more than likely will be there for a couple of hours, leaving me to deal with the events in the house.

What should I do and how should I approach the people involved in getting my blood boiling. So, I forgot to mention about me. I'm a 40 year old male with co-workers that also piss me off so I tend to come home a little frazzled at times.



Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Justin, and thanks for telling your story on this site. I'm sure every parent can relate to what you're dealing with. As you know, this goes with the territory of raising children. The important issue here is your anger, and I will try to help you with that.

I suggest that first, you try these anger management techniques. Practice them regularly, for a little while every day, until you feel you're getting some results.

It is important that you do the journaling exercises described on this page. There are three types of journaling described there, and I encourage you to do all three. This will really help you.

Nobody can make your blood boil or make you angry but you, Justin. I know that might sound crazy to you right now, but think about it. Others are responsible for what they do and don't do, and you're responsible for how you react (anger). If, for example, if you told your wife you would like more help with the kids and she got really angry--would her anger be your fault? Nope, it wouldn't. But you'd be responsible for what you said and when and how you said it.

Make sense? You'll have a lot of emotional freedom when you really understand this perspective.

Believe in yourself, Justin. You're a good man and a good father, which is why you wrote this story

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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