Married Four Years And Can't Forgive And Forget

by Anonymous

I was with my boyfriend for 2 years. He dated one of our mutual friends before me. I asked her if it was okay that I date him, and she told me yes. So he and I started dating.

Four months into our relationship, he gave me a promise ring stating he would marry me someday. Two years into our relationship I became pregnant. It was a joy for both of us.
That's when I found out that the mutual friend he dated before me was pregnant with his child When we started dating.


I also found out that it happened because he cheated on me when we first started dating. I was crushed, I thought him to be perfect.

When I told him that I found out about all of this, he proposed to me and asked me to marry him. I was so upset, but I loved him.

No matter how long ago it was that he cheated, they both kept it a secret from me. I still knew he was the one I was supposed to be with.

Now, four years later, we are married with our second child on the way.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It sounds like things have worked out well for you and your husband, but you're having a hard time forgiving him. I will assume that he is currently being faithful to you, and not continuing to cheat.

I suggest you start with the journaling exercise on this page, to write in detail about your past emotional wounds. This will help you to heal, and sort things out in your mind.

I also recommend that you use the positive journaling exercise described on this page, to focus on the good things in yourself and your life. This is also very helpful, especially if you do it daily on an ongoing basis. One of the things that keeps us from forgiving is dwelling on the past wounds over and over, and this positive journaling will help to correct that.

Follow these recommendations, and you will start to feel some relief and forgiveness. If not, write again with more detail, and I'll offer more suggestions.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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