Life After Having A Baby

by Kathryn
(Appleton, WI)

Dr. DeFoore,

I was with my boyfriend for about 1 1/2 years and had a child with him. My child is 1 1/2 years old right now. My boyfriend and I were deeply in love and did absolutely everything together. After I had our son a lot of stuff started to happen...me assuming stuff all the time like him cheating on me if we were not together...me freakin out about nothing. I moved out of my parents house because he had told me that he wanted to move in with my best friend because they both wanted to get out of their parents house.

I was a little worried at first, but I also moved in with them so he wouldn't have to pay child support. Things started getting out of hand after I moved in like me hitting my boyfriend and going pretty much crazy. I had a really bad stage of anxiety and had to see a psychiatrist.


At this time I developed post partum for almost a year. I overcame my depression because I found a steady job (was making money), had a major attitude change for a little bit and was doing good with friends and family. There were a lot of times after I was doing good that we got drunk and I went crazy on my boyfriend; crazy meaning hitting him. He gave me about 5 chances to prove to him that my attitude and my hitting had changed, or else he was going to leave me.

I kept telling myself I wasn't going to drink anymore because of my abuse to him and he said ok. I obviously didn't get it the whole time we were dating...I kept doing it. I was abused as a kid myself so that's probably why when I get drunk I can't control my temper. My father was supposed to also go to anger management classes but thought he didn't have a problem.

I know I have a problem and I would like to have someone help me get my friends and family back. I don't want these anxiety problems leading me in the wrong direction in life. Me and my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years have a child. We broke up like 2 months ago. I moved out back in with my parents and he still lives with my two friends. We have to go to child support so we can work something out between the two of us...so we can both agree and have equal custody. He broke up with me because he was sick of my hitting, my assuming of things, my financial situation (not spending money wisely).

I want my ex to notice me as a good person who needs to change my ways about how I do things. I just want my life back...please.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Kathryn, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell you're having a very hard time, and I will try to help.

You need to do a lot of work on your anger and recovery from your history of abuse. However, before you do that, you will have to quit drinking and get sober.

I suggest you join Alcoholics Anonymous, and do the 90 meetings in 90 days that they recommend. This is top priority--I assure you that nothing else you try to do will work until you get sober. The patterns you describe clearly put you in the category of alcoholic.

When you have at least 6 months of sobriety, write again and I'll help you with the emotional healing part of your recovery process.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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