I'm Scared But Unwilling To Leave

by Caitlyn
(Saranac Lake, New York USA)

There are some facts you should know first:

I'm 17 and he's 25. We've been dating under two weeks. It's a long-distance relationship. He's not a virgin, and I've never had my first kiss.

Okay, now that you know that, I can tell you what scares me.

Since day one, he has set restrictions in place. He won't let me wear certain clothes that I used to wear, go anywhere alone, confide in anyone else but him, talk to any other guys online, or look at other guys.


Not only that, but he's constantly joking about abusing me. And, the other day, he actually threatened to either try harder to get me pregnant or to not try not to get me pregnant if we had sex and I used birth control.

We get into fights every night about the stupidest things, but after hours of fighting I eventually give in.

This makes my friends so mad at me--especially when I told my online guy friends I could no longer talk to them.

There is no compromise with him. He's always jealous, and he has to know everything I do and who I talk with.

There was only one day when we did not have a fight. But, I like him. And I don't want to hurt him. And I don't want to hurt me.

So, everyone says to break up with him--but I can't find the willpower. There are good things he does and says, and I like him.

So I can't bear to break up with him. I'm hoping it will get better in time. That things will change.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Caitlyn, and thanks for telling your story here. You already know what you need to do. That's why you wrote your story here, asking for help. You're scared, and you have good reason to be.

You're with a sick man, and I assure you things will only get worse--not better. You're on your way toward being abused, and possibly hurt. If you get pregnant, you could be tied to this sick man for a long time. And then your child will be hurt by him also.

You say you like him. I'll try to help you figure out why.

Use the journaling process on this page and see if you can find out why you would be attracted to an abusive, controlling man. There is something in your background that has taught you that it is acceptable for you to be treated this way.

Once you find out what happened that caused the self destructive patterns, use these imagery processes for emotional healing to resolve those past issues.

You're all you have here, Caitlyn. You're ignoring your friends' advice, and your own good judgment. If you don't help and protect yourself, no one can.

You are smart enough and healthy enough to be reaching out for help before he abuses you, gets you pregnant, or worse.

Act now--don't wait. Get healthy emotionally before getting involved with a man. And date people closer to your age.

You're a good person, and you deserve to be treated with respect, love and care.

Write again if you need further support.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.

P.P.S. If you got something of value here, we would also greatly appreciate it if you would click the "Like" button at the top left corner of this page.