I'm Having Trouble With My Twelve Year Old Daughter

by Anonymous

I have a 12 year old. She is a good child most of the time but out of the blue she has this melt down.

She has them at school and has been dismissed from school. I don't know what to do. She gets angry over the simple things. For example last night my oldest child needed to use the bathroom. He asked her to let him in and she would not so he called me and I ask her to please step out and let him use the bathroom, and that he has to go very bad.


She was washing her face, and she said wait and proceeded in washing her face. I said just step out for a minute, and she still refused. So I raised my voice and told her to get out and she blow back and had the melt down.

I understand maybe I should not raise my voice but I don't understand why she will not just do as I ask her.

Then I am to blame for it when the dad comes in and I am the one in the wrong. Can someone help me here?


Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I know this can be very frustrating for a parent, trying to do the right thing for your child who is angry. I will try to help.

I want you to consider that there is nothing wrong with your daughter. Her anger is there for a good reason, although she may not be consciously aware of what it is. She is not a bad girl, she's just having a problem, and she's letting you know about it with her anger.

I encourage you to spend some time with her, in a relaxed situation, doing things she likes to do. Just focus on what she likes and is interested in, and give your attention to that as a way of connecting with her. Hopefully, when you do this for a while, she will open up and tell you what is going on with her emotionally.

It's possible that males are preferred in your home. This is very common in many families, and this may be what your daughter is reacting to. I have no way of knowing if this is accurate or not, but it's a thought that occurred to me when reading your story.

I also encourage you to take a look at the audio program below. It has a no risk money back guarantee, and you can listen to free previews right now! Just click on the image below.

Try to see the best in your daughter, and tell her regularly what you appreciate about her. Believe in her, and believe in yourself as a good mom. You can do this.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.