I'm Having Anger Blackouts And I Feel Broken

by Zaynab
(Warren County, NC)

Recently, I've blacked out twice within a week. I've been blacking out since I was 6 or 7 and I've never gotten help.

My anger only comes when I've been constantly ridiculed, lied to, or annoyed. The first blackout from last week occurred on the side of the highway after driving home. I was arguing with my brother who wouldn't stop yelling and fussing at me, after I told him numerous times to stop and let me drive.


My driving became erratic and this worried me so I pulled over, got out of the car and let him have it! I was so upset that I had to call someone else to drive me home, because my anger was so high.

The second time happened when my boyfriend stood me up for a date which he had been doing for a while. He would ignore my calls and not text back when I was trying to reach him. This infuriated me to the fullest..I probably reached a ten! I blacked out and didn't remember anything until I woke up and read the text messages that I had sent unknowingly.

I said some horrible and disgusting things to him and couldn't remember having a conversation with him on the phone either. He told me everything I said, but I don't remember at all!

I've lost a relationship with my brother and my boyfriend within a week because of my anger. How do I repair these relationships and explain my anger issues? Is this a cause for mental concern?



Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Zaynab, and thanks for telling your story here. I know this has been very difficult for you for a long time, and I'm glad you're reaching out for help.

I will offer some help here, but I encourage you to seek help in the form of counseling, as the exercises I will recommend may not be sufficient to help you overcome your problems.

You will find a series of processes described on this page that will take you on a journey of healing and self discovery, and ideally, will help you gain more conscious awareness and control of your anger. Please do all of the exercises recommended, and do not leave any out.

This will definitely help you, Zaynab, if you have the discipline and focus to follow through. These are powerful tools, but they only help if you use them.

Believe in yourself, and do this for you. The good relationships will follow.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.