I Would Rather Be Alone Than Be Abused

by Erika
(Denver)

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. During that time, we figured out that he is bipolar but also has anger management issues.

I have brought up many times how his hurtful, nasty words have hurt me but he continues. He tells me that when he gets angry, he cannot stop what comes out of his mouth because at that time, he just doesn't care about anyone else.

Our argument before this last blowout consisted of him banging his head against the door which caused a hole in the door and a gash in his forehead. He has thrown things, punched things (not me though), shouted, called me stupid and other names.

He is very negative all the time and when something doesn't go his way he lashes out. The argument can be set off by the littlest of things like not being able to find his jeans. He gets so angry and every time he takes his anger out on me or my dog.

He lost his job in January and I have been supporting him. He tells me he feels worthless and doesn't really apply himself to get a job. I also told him he needs help and although he acknowledges he does, he hasn't done anything about it. He sits around the house all day.

Meanwhile, I have a full time job and am attending college. I already recognize the signs of abuse and have tried to help him overcome these issues. It has gotten better, however, I am at my final turning point. Last night, he couldn't find a tool he was looking for and once again, took it out on me. Needless to say I slept on the couch last night and was told I was stupid for doing so. This morning it was like last night never happened.

I love him but love myself enough to walk away if need be. I feel like his mother and not his partner. I take care of everything except for the house chores and cooking as it is his way of "helping out." Although I appreciate him doing these things, I need help with the bills, and our last talk about him finding a job fell flat. He applied to one place but that was it. I feel like he loves me because he needs me and has no where else to go.

This relationship is unhealthy and unacceptable. I deserve to be treated with kindness and respect but get neither. I also can only help those who help themselves. So with that being said, this evening will be my final "talk." If things do not improve, he will have to find somewhere else to go because after tonight I am done talking.

I refuse to be a victim and I refuse to be treated in this manner. I would rather be alone than be abused.