I Am So Confused About Whether I Have An Anger Problem

by Anonymous
(MidTown, Texas)

I am 22 yrs old, and I think I have an anger problem. My anger is completely ruining my life. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7yrs. We argue, and fight constantly. At least everyday, if not every other day.

The two main issues that tear us apart are lies and trust. We have both had our share of infidelity. But, we can't seem to get over the past. I think that's what initiates alot of the angry feelings we have towards each other. We both love each other very much, and can't seem to end the relationship.


There has been emotional and physical abuse throughout most of our relationship. It seems that the last 3yrs have been the most worst, dreadful, dragging yrs. of our lives. I snap really quick, and for little things. I break things, I say the most terrible things you can say to a person, I rely on alcohol and other things to ease the pain and anger, I block out everyone and everything, and I shut down, from time to time.

My boyfriend has been arrested for family violence three times. I know I am ruining his life too. He puts up with so much. I drive him to the point to where he wishes he were dead. It's just so sad, that he won't let me go. I beg him to just give up on us, but he can't. He says we can overcome this, but I am highly doubtful.

Honestly, I don't know what is wrong with me. If it's my anger, or if I have depression, or anxiety, or what. But, I know I need help. The feelings that I feel deep inside are not normal. The anger, and pain I feel on a daily basis is overwhelming, and I don't know how to control it.

I want so much to make our relationship work. The first step is counseling. So my question to you is, do you think I have an anger problem?




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. To find out if you have an anger problem, I suggest you take this anger test. That should answer your question.

Regarding your relationship with your boyfriend, you mentioned that he has been arrested for family violence three times. This does not sound like a safe or healthy relationship for you, but that has to be your decision.

Read the following page to help you decide what to do: how to deal with abusive relationships.

You need to love and believe in yourself, or no relationship will work for you. Focus on the goodness in your heart, and make up your mind to create a safe, happy and healthy life for yourself.

You are worthy of respect. Make a commitment to yourself that you will only be in relationships in which you feel respected at all times. You can do this.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore