Husband Who Needs Help

by Ashley
(Montana USA)

I have a husband who has an anger problem. He is aware of it and insists on fixing it himself. I have tried to help as well.

I am really not sure what to do. We have been married for 4 years. In those 4 years I have been called different names, things a husband shouldn't call a wife--like "piece of crap, worthless, child, slut" and others. I could go on forever.


I have also witnessed him punching walls, breaking chairs, throwing stuff.

I have talked to him about this stuff lots of times. It seems like it just keeps getting worse. My husband tells me that he loves me. But when I tell him that if he doesn't change I will leave him, even when I say that it doesn't matter, he really doesn't think he needs to see anyone.

The only reason why I have stayed with him so long is because we have kids.

He also tells me he is unhappy in his life but he doesn't know why he isn't happy. Also to add to that he can control what he hits, but not the names that he calls me.

Honestly I keep thinking he will change but he isn't. I try to fix the flaws he wants me to fix so he doesn't get mad, but it seems like I never can do anything right. And when I am nice he tells me that its weird that I am nice and to stop it.

I guess I am confused. What should I do to fix this problem between us? Any ideas, anything would help.




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Ashley, and thanks for telling your story here. You can't do anything about your husband's problems. Only he can do that. You can't get yourself fixed enough to keep him from getting mad, because you are not the real cause of his anger.

Your focus needs to be on yourself, loving yourself and taking care of yourself. Read these pages, and follow the recommendations and you will feel better and less confused. Then you'll know what to do.

dealing with marital problems
how to raise your self esteem

Believe in yourself, Ashley. You can do this. Connect with the goodness and value in your heart, and make your decisions from there.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore