Emotionally Not In Control In The Workplace

by Kim
(MN)

I started working in a school kitchen where I had heard rumors about a controlling head cook.

We had a falling out right away, and I felt bad that I had been influenced by the rumors. Now I have kept my opinions mostly in check but she has proved the rumors to be true.


I talked to my boss and he threw me under the bus. I am probably one of several that have complaints against her.

Well yesterday I just cut loose and let her have it. She called the boss. I apologized, and he once again backed her. Several women have the same complaints.

I'm embarrassed, but I meant what I said. I just wish I could've been more in control of my anger. This is an issue with me. I hold it until I blow up. How do I change the way I express my anger?





Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Kim, and thanks for telling your story here. Your thinking sounds clear. You are aware that the situation is difficult, and that others have feelings similar to yours. And you feel that your boss does not back you up when these difficulties arise.

However, you wrote your question here because you want to learn how to express your anger in healthier ways, so that you don’t jeopardize your position or feel embarrassed by your reactions. I can help you with that.

I think it would be very helpful for you to learn about assertiveness training, and begin developing your skills for effective communication and conflict resolution. If you feel you need further help with your anger, just select one of the links on the left side of the web page that looks of interest to you, such as, “Techniques,” and you’ll find guidelines there.

Congratulations to you, Kim, for being smart enough to reach out for help and to improve your skills. Don’t stop until you find what you’re looking for. You can do this.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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