Boyfriend's Anger Spiraling Out Of Control

by Olivia
(Portland)

After I graduated college three months ago, my boyfriend and I moved to an area where I had been offered a job.

Him not working has been difficult on our relationship. We have been fighting almost every day. Usually he's very loving and attentive but with the added stress he's become increasingly angry.

At first he was kicking furniture and pushing over the coffee table. One night while he was drinking he bruised my arm, pushed me down in the street and tried to take my purse.

He has since quit drinking. His behavior is still deteriorating though. He screams at me when I drive, treats my like a child by yelling at me when I don't wake up on time and not trusting me to make my own decisions. I have taken a lot of care to be more calm, loving, supportive, and understanding but I'm not sure what to do anymore.


Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Olivia, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm glad you're asking for help here. This relationship does not sound good for you at all, and unless your boyfriend gets very serious and committed to therapy for himself, it's only going to get worse.

I'm glad he quit drinking, but that's just the first step. He needs a lot more help, from what you've written here.

Meanwhile, be aware that you simply can't help him, and trying to do so will only make it worse. He will have to get better because he wants to for himself. As long as you allow him to abuse you, things will continue to deteriorate.

So, it's time for you to take immediate action to get yourself into a safe situation, and that probably means leaving the relationship. Even if he starts getting help, it will be a long time before he will be healthy enough to be in a relationship and treat you with respect.

Please read the following pages, and follow the guidelines you find there:

relationship advice
letting go of a relationship

Do this for yourself, Olivia. You are worthy of respect, and I encourage you to only be in relationships where you're treated with care and respect.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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