Argumentative Partner Who Blames Me And Drinks Too Much

by Kym
(England)

I've been with my partner for 2 years. After a month or so he made me cry. I find it hard to put into words how he made me cry. It was the attitude towards life I think. The dog getting in his way, the huffing and puffing as he hoovered, the slamming drawers in the kitchen.

At this point I was recovering from major surgery and he said if I went to stay with him he would 'look after me.' Instead he made me cry. I told him and he knelt at my side holding my hands making sincere apologies.

That was the start. After a while I made him go to the doctor and get anti-depressants. Although they help when he is not drinking regularly, they are not helping him recover due to his deep-seated anger.

When he drinks, he gets nicer and it's the only time I see him buzzing and happy. It's like the anger goes away then.

Every day I consider leaving, but something makes me stay. Partly because of all I have invested in this man. I have given EVERYTHING I have to make this man happy. I am drained in all ways possible.

When I raise any issue that could improve the relationship, he just argues, saying 'well you do it too.' I guess I have started to mirror his behaviour to hurt him back. If I stubbed my toe and yelped, he will not say 'Oh, are you ok?' he completely ignores my pain. So I thought 'stuff him,' and I now show no concern for him- which is making me hate myself.

I come from a nursing background and the majority of my career has been in the care industry and here I am, not caring for the person I am supposed to love.

I just don't know how to turn this around and make him grow up. He lost his mum at 19 and although he is 37 he is still acting like that childish 19 year old, so dealing with any mature problems seems impossible for him.

I have found your website and will try and ask him to do some of the quizzes and follow the plans to get better from this. I now need it too, I have never been so angry at someone as him. I gave my all and he took, took, took and treats me like dirt.