Am I Minimizing My Situation?

by Steph
(Tennessee )

Thank you for this opportunity. I have an appointment with a counselor set up, but it's not for another week.

I am a 44 year old female, who has been in a serious relationship for almost 5 yrs. I have ended this relationship. It was not easy because I had to make him leave, since I own my house. I ended this relationship after it became violent. He shoved me down twice and then drug me into the bedroom by my foot.

This has been the only significant violence towards me. Up until this point, I felt I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. What is missing from everything I read about abuse, is he did not isolate me, threaten me, and he was not extremely jealous.

We are both firefighters. I work with mostly men, yet he never said a word about it. He's never said mean things about my appearance or stated I was unlovable.

What he has done: he’s been emotionally unavailable, makes me feel crazy (gaslighting), treats me like a child, acts like he is always right, my feelings are insignificant and my ideas are insignificant. It’s as if I can't do anything right.

I felt something was wrong. I became depressed and my confidence had become so low that I was second guessing myself in situations I'm very familiar with. My days seemed to revolve around how I could make him happy.

I began to feel somehow afraid, but didn't understand why.

Since we have broken up, he has gotten counseling and has almost convinced me that things were not that bad and that we could work things out. I want to believe him.

My story is not so extreme, no horrible beatings, no outright calling me names, no threats to kill me.

Am I minimizing this situation?