Am I A Loser?

by Debra
(Anderson, CA)

Over the past year and a half, my husband of 23 yrs has been cheating on me. She has allowed him to have sex with her and her girlfriend and cousin along with her at the same time.


Although he is not seeing her anymore, I stuck through it with him and we were still together until yesterday. The day before yesterday,for a ridiculous reason he hung up on me twice, so being the ass that I am...I went to his jobsite and threw a temper tantrum.

Now he says he can't deal with my anger and wants nothing to do with me. My feeling is that I rode out the affair with him and believed in him to do the right thing and with my understanding, he did.

I do have anger issues which I learned from watching my mom. She was a very angry person when I was growing up. Not that it is her fault...she did not realize she was that way. Children learn what they live.

I have never been violent in my anger...just an ass. Over the past year I have made some major steps in improving it, but still have some flare ups. Why am I not allowed to have the chance to fix me with his support? I stood by him because he is a good man and a very talented and hard worker, also an awesome father. Sometimes in life we make mistakes and he did.

I have accepted that it was just a mistake for him and now he has rectified the situation. Am I stupid for asking for the same respect? I am attending an anger management class to learn how to control my outbursts. I realize that I have a problem that I can't fix on my own, and I will fix it!




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Debra, and thanks for telling your story here. Good for you for making up your mind to fix your anger issues. Whether your husband is as devoted to your marriage as you have been is up to him.

I'm glad you're getting help. You might want to try the exercises on this FAQ page as well, to supplement what you're learning in your class.

I wish you all the best in your healing. Believe in the good person you are inside, and make up your mind to be her all of the time--she is your true self.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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