What Do I Do When I Can't Let Go And Don't Want To Be Alone

by Nadia
(San Dimas, CA)

I'd really like some help please. There's my ex, we started dating in 2008, we were together for a year and a half. But within that year and a half he was always suspicious and never really showed too much love for me, until the end when I broke up with him.

I broke up with him because I came to find that our whole relationship was a lie. For the first year he had another girlfriend. He was playing the both of us for a whole year!


We broke up for a whole year, and during that year I did not wish to get back with him. I didn't want anything to do with him. I got with someone else and it was a great relationship, but eventually that went downhill. During that year he was still reaching out to me any way he could, considering I changed my number.

he would always tell me that he wanted to get back with me or make things work, and he missed me. I always turned him down up until recently. I decided to let him give it a shot.

I clearly hadn't let go of the past, so I was constantly angry with him. It got to a point where he was tired of my anger and he let loose. He punched my eye. He showed no remorse or that he felt bad for doing what he did. Instead he tried telling me that if I hadn't pushed him it wouldn't have happened.

Now I know for a fact that him hitting me was not my fault. I forgot to mention that there was some abuse during the first time we were together. It actually helped me break up with him. Now I figured the relationship wasn't working but I never really put my effort into it. I just had my old memories and anger.

I know he and I can't work. We're not healthy for each other, but I don't know why I can't let it go this time around. He was always there for me but I don't like who he is.

I think what I'm truly having trouble with is I can't be alone or I don't like to be alone and need love from somewhere. His love is the closest I have, even though I know I shouldn't want it. I do want his love, but only because I feel alone.

I don't know what to do, even if I did I wouldn't know how to. I'll take any advice. Thank you for hearing me out.





Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Nadia, and thanks for telling your story here. You are caught in a kind of relationship addiction. I have built a lot of web pages for people just like you, because this is a very common problem that a lot of good people just like you struggle with.

I suggest that you read each of the following pages, and follow the recommendations you find there:

letting go of a relationship
how to deal with abusive relationships

Believe in yourself, Nadia, and do this reading and these exercises for yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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