Too Close For Comfort

by Jen
(Oklahoma)

I just began my first year of college and met this girl, "Aria". I was excited about finally making a new friend in college. Aria seem friendly and I enjoyed her company. Until I noticed she liked my boyfriend, "Shane".


Shane and I have dated for three years and we're very serious about it; we're talking about engagement. Aria subtly hinted that maybe I should break up with Shane when I was talking about my relationship with him. In the back of my mind I felt that she was aiming for getting him, but I ignored it.

As the weeks go by, Aria was always calling Shane. I'm out of town on the weekends while Shane works. She would go to his workplace very often. Whenever she knew I was around him, it seemed like she had to hang out. But once Shane had to go to class and it was just her and me, she would go on her way as well. By now, I was telling Shane I didn't trust her or want us to hang out with her anymore. But, Shane felt bad for her because we were her only friends.

Another friend, "Kelly" confirmed that Aria liked my boyfriend. I was very concered by now. Because Aria had already tried to get in between two different relationships. She ended up losing the friendship of those guys because she was too aggressive about trying to be their girlfriend. She didn't care if she would damage an already existing relationship.

Aria noticed I was growing distant from her. I just didn't feel comfortable around her by then. She invited me to a one on one talk. She apologized, saying she valued our friendship and asked for a second chance. Relieved, I accepted.

That night, she came back from Shane's workplace after visiting him. I was very angry and didn't want to do something I would regret so I went to my dorm room. Later, Shane tells me that Aria tried to kiss him. Furious would be an understatement; I was so outraged I was shaking. I told Shane how upset and betrayed I felt by what she did to me. Shane decided to tell Aria that he cannot hang out with her anymore. She was angry, telling him that she hated him.

The next day, she tried to confront me. "You have something to say to me?" she asked, obviously irritated. "I don't have anything to say to you", I replied, as walked to my dorm, trying to stay calm as she yelled some foul things from beind me.

By the next morning, I suppose she realized that I found out about her attempt to kiss Shane. When I walked past her on the sidewalk she had a guilty expression on her face when she looked at me.

I don't want anything to do with Aria, but since this is a small campus, I see her a lot. She's even the treasurer in a club I'm in. I want to get revenge so badly. Even though she's already lost the few friends she had because of this and my boyfriend's already told me, "You won," another part of me still isn't satisfied.

Kelly tells me she still talks hateful about me and I hear it myself when she's talking to other people in the room. I get so angry just thinking about her. I don't know how to move on from this.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Jen, and thanks for telling your story here. You sound like a smart and healthy young woman, and your feelings are completely understandable. I will try to help you let go and move on.

I strongly encourage you to follow all of the guidelines on this page on healthy revenge. Take all of the steps, and I think you'll get some benefit. The best revenge is to be happy, Jen, so be sure and focus on what is good in your life, which will help you to shift your focus away from Aria and what she did.

You can do this. Believe in yourself and create a wonderful life for yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore