Ready to Run From Marriage!

by Eric
(Victorville, Ca)

My wife and I have been married for about 7 or 8 years now. I come from a background of drug addicted cocaine abuse and have been clean for 15 years. I have learned that either we will grow together or grow apart. Behavior is my specialty, and I just like anyone else am not exempt from repeating my past.

But, for what? My wife gets angry over everything. I am unemployed, disabled since Oct. 2009 and really don't like any in-laws. I couldn't keep a job because when the boss demands more time from me, so does she! I've been sexually inactive for almost 5 years now. Unless it's in a book or on the internet, I know that I can't get involved sexually.


My wife demands that I pay attention most of the time and accuses me of walking away while she is still talking. Frankly, I'm bored with almost everything she has to say at this point. No matter what the topic is, I'm not interested. I fix computers, watch TV, and pay bills with every bit of my income. While she attends church functions and talks all day to her family, and church family.

I go to church too but I'm really not interested in becoming a family member of the church. I'm a pastors kid and Jesus has not come yet!! I still have to live my life, which I can't seem to get a handle on. My wife is an attention whore. I can't have a working life and concentrate on my chores while she is on the phone or in my presence. At this point I have stopped trying. I want out!!





Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Eric, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell you're having a hard time. I don't have the answers for you, but I'll offer some input that will hopefully help to point you in a good direction.

As an addict in recovery, you need to be careful that you don't create a sex addiction. This can feed anger, and make relationship problems even worse.

I'm sure you have good reasons for your frustration with your wife. Continuing or ending a marriage is a big decision, and I encourage you to take it very seriously, whichever direction you choose.

If you decide to work on your marriage, I think you'll find the book called Getting The Love You Want to be very helpful. Ideally, your wife will read it with you, and the two of you can use the exercises in the book to heal your marriage.

If you do decide to end your marriage, you might want to consider this divorce advice.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore