My Relationship With My Parents Is Falling Apart

by Anonymous

Bright Horizons Ahead

I am a senior in high school, and will be leaving for college in 6 months. My relationship with my parents has always been a decent one, even though they're pretty strict.

About 2 months ago I tried talking to them about giving me a little more space and freedom being that I'm almost an adult here. I just wanted them to leave my room alone (you know, not move things around without asking me, etc.), be a little more lenient with my curfew, and just basically allow me to have the responsibility of making some of my own decisions. They agreed to this request at the time, but just won't follow through with it.

Things in my room are constantly being moved around, my mom is all over me about my grades (which makes no sense because I've always had straight A's), they still won't allow me to stay over at a friend's house, and it's all just driving me insane. I'm not usually a person who gets angry, but when they continue to do these things after I politely remind them of what we talked about, I get absolutely livid.

They also talk to me and treat me like I'm a toddler. Anytime I speak lately I get screamed at for being disrespectful. I have no intention of ever being disrespectful. I might as well stop talking completely. I feel like I should have the right to my own privacy, have a little freedom, and be able to voice my opinion and stick up for myself now and then.

I've always done everything they've asked me to do, so I just don't understand this. I'm constantly angry any time I have to be in this house with them. I just want to move out, go to college, and move on with my life, but I'm stuck here for 6 more months.

At this point I feel like I just flat out dislike my parents, and want nothing to do with them. I don't think I've been this angry for this long about anything, and I don't know what to do anymore to control it.

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Oct 11, 2018
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To the author of "My Parents Favor My Brother..."
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm sorry your parents are failing to see and acknowledge your value. The gender discrimination you are experiencing is unfortunately not uncommon. But it's very wrong, and very damaging.

I can tell you are a very bright, intelligent and capable young woman. Who you are and what you do in your life does not depend on your parents, or anyone else in any way. It is all up to you.

Here is what I recommend:

1) It's time to shift your focus from outside to inside. You're not a child any more, and you no longer need anyone's approval. Use these steps to let go of your parents emotionally, and begin accepting the freedom and responsibility of being an adult.

2) Use this article to begin encouraging yourself from within. Become the loving, proud parent you've always wanted, and start journaling daily about all of your wonderful, positive qualities.

3) Spend time with friends who love you, believe in you, and support you. And be that kind of friend to yourself.

You've got this. You are truly awesome...believe that, and tell yourself that in as many ways as you can think of, all day, every day.

Be proud of your gender. Relish and enjoy every aspect of what it means to be female. Celebrate your beauty and uniqueness.

All my very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

Oct 10, 2018
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My Parents Favor My Brother Over Me
by: Anonymous

I am a senior in high school and now I want to go abroad for my higher education. I am from the rural area. I have one brother. My relationship with my parents was always tolerable. I love my parents a lot.

But sometimes they behave very rude with me. I experience a lot of discrimination. My parents always prefer my brother over me. It’s not like, I don't like my brother. I adore him, but sometimes I just feel like I am not important in their life.

A few days ago, my mother and I got into fight. She cursed at me and said bad words. She told me that my brother is much better than me and thus he deserves her love. The worst part of the situation was that no one wanted to listen about what I thought. Even my dad sided with my mother. No one was present to support me or at least listen my opinion. I felt very sad and angry.

I passed my high school without any mobile phone. In fact, I never demanded one. But now I have completed my high school. I just wanted a mobile phone to learn how to use it and gain some of the independence. However, my parents flatly refused me. Still it was fine with me.

But nowadays, they keep an eye on me. I just don't know why but they always look at me with questioning eyes and I feel very uncomfortable around them. I tried to ask them, but they didn't tell me anything.

Yesterday, my mother insulted me in front of my best friend. Although, this is her usual. She would always praise my brother about how good and smart he is, while I am either ignored or I am insulted. She tells around that I am neither smart nor good at behavior.

I tried a hundred times to make them feel that I can do things too. But it’s like everything gets wrong. They always take wrong meaning of my words. I constantly feel angry, sad and cry a lot. I can't even cry in front of them as they just make a joke out of it. What should I do?

Dec 29, 2015
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There Are Some Very Positive Things About Your Situation
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell you're very bright, and a good person. You've got a lot going for you, and a wonderful future ahead.

You're right that your parents should respect your privacy, and allow you more freedom as you approach moving out to go to college. And, your mom's bothering you about your grades when you make straight A's just makes no sense.

I know this is hard for you, but I want you to consider the bright side of your situation.

1) Only 6 months!
2) You're a successful person, and you're going to love being an adult and moving toward more and more independence.
3) Your parents are "helping" you by making sure you want to leave. Seriously, they're giving you a strong nudge toward moving on, and in some ways that's a good thing. Many young people your age don't thrive in their independence because their parents try to be their best friend.

To get through the next 6 months, focus on what's good, right and working about yourself and your life. These journaling exercises will be helpful to you to manage your feelings in the meantime. You will be free soon!

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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