My Mother Is Not Including Me In Family Activities

by S McCartney
(Northern Ireland)

On the 1st of November 2012…well what a horrid day. TIDY TIDY TIDY! Mum said these things to me and I'm nearly 20.

"You are a silly little girl" and "if you don't buck yourself up you can spend Christmas on your own!" The latter made me cry! I am supposed to be going abroad at Christmas with my family.


My little bro said, can I go to ......'s bedroom? And mum shouts at him "NO!"

On Sunday the 4th of November - Home from Wales. My parents and little bro went to Wales to visit relatives and I wasn't invited.

I wasn't and still am not feeling well and when mum comes in she tore me to shreds. Mum "What has been going on? What is that smell?" As a nice surprise I lit the fire which is like a stove burner thing. The kindness of lighting a fire turned mum into a blazing fire. Because of the extent of my kindness I decided to light a fire in a stove and mum shoves everything back in my ****ing face. What the heck is wrong with her?!

I hate the house I live in, after I go abroad I might just leave. Maybe it's what mum wants from me, maybe my kindness will stretch that far! I have shed enough tears over what she says to me and about me. And my wee bro has to copy everyone else and join in and shout at me too.

Jonathan tried to hug me. I took a step back because I didn't want to be touched and mum yells at me saying "you pushed him away again, if you do that again..." I didn't even push him, not the second time anyway.

I feel unwanted by my own family. They have a nice time in Wales Without Me! When I tried phoning I didn't get through. I eventually get through on Sunday and she says " have you got the cold? I say yes" then she is so horrid, she says "No Comment Sharon" Why?

I don't feel a part of anything in my own house. When they were away having fun with relatives, which are my relatives too, I miss out on my youth club and on my youth fellowship! I'm in the band and I'm a leader and an intern at both! All while they had fun with my relatives whom I didn't get to see.



Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. It sounds like it might just be time for you to move out and find your own place. This sometimes happens when young adults like you stay with their parents after you're old enough to live on your own.

I'm sure that might be a challenge for you, but I strongly encourage you to consider that you won't be happy until you're on your own. This could also help you to improve your relationships with your mother and brother. Sometimes, distance makes the heart grow fonder...

The idea here is, it's up to you to create a happy, positive life for yourself, and it sounds like you're very capable of doing just that. As a leader and intern in your band, you obviously have talent and skills. Take charge of your life and make it happen the way you want it to. You're not a victim, even though you might feel like one.

You've got what it takes. You can do this.

Believe in yourself, and create the life you choose.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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