It All Can't Be My Fault

by Lady Luck
(Pittsburgh)

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I have been with the same man on and off for 16yrs. We have gone back and forth hurting each other for years. Until about 10-11 months ago a guy from my past contacted me. I was in a depression and feeling very vulnerable. I acted on my impulse and started "seeing" him on occasion.


Well the first couple months were ok...it took my mind off of what was going on with my long term "commitment," but all of a sudden he started talking to me wrong and acting really hot/cold. One minute he would say I like you and the next tell me to leave him alone.

I got very confused and we started playing a very "nasty" back and forth game of "see who could get the upper hand" This went on for months. Nothing sexual happened for 5 months. Then he spun it into I was "harassing him."

For a minute I felt like I was losing my mind and I didn't get what he meant. I questioned my sanity with this guy. In my mind I took the blame for everything and said we could just be friends. I knew he had lost many people and felt bad for him. I really tried to just help at the end.

He must have been a good manipulator. Maybe I was, I don't know.

Still confused and angry. He denied it even happened. He tried contacting my one female family member and then said he would call the cops or get a PFA on me if I said one more thing to him. I was not the only one involved and he is trying to humiliate me.

I blocked his number and me and my fiance are in therapy doing very well. I just can't get my mind off of how bad this guy treated me and tried to humiliate me. I have never came in contact with such a horrible human being in my life, and believe me I have known some rough characters. I tried to be an adult and it's hard.

I don't understand why he was so mean to me. I really don't. I mean he threatened to stick me in jail and ruin my life. I am so angry I don't know what to do. Please help!



Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. This kind of trauma can be difficult to sort out. I encourage you to try, though, and I will help.

I think if you use the journaling exercises on this page, writing first about your experiences, then about your anger, you will start to feel some healing and release. Also look for ways that this might connect with other traumatic experiences you may have had in the past.

Often this type of writing process can be all that is needed to heal. I hope that works for you.

I'm glad you and your fiance are in therapy and doing well. Use the third journaling process in the above link to shift your focus to all of the good things in your life, and make up your mind to create a great life for yourself.

You can do this. Believe in yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore