I'm In A Very Dark Place Right Now

by Valentine
(Boston, MA, United States)

Hi Dr. DeFoore

I met my girlfriend in 2010. We began dating Nov 7, 2011. We met in high school. She and I were 17 at the time.

During the relationship I was controlling and manipulative, verbally and at times physically abusive. At the time I did not realize what I was doing to our relationship and her as a person.

I didn’t start seeing clearly until April 2017. I saw that she was unmotivated, had no desire to do anything. I was concerned and I asked her what was wrong. And at that moment she told me all the pain she been holding inside.

She was afraid to tell me. She didn't know how to say she was fed up because I had disappointed her too many times before. She felt hopeless. Her dreams of us getting married and having kids is non-existent. She feels like this relationship has drained her and she does not want to be in it anymore.

I totally understand her pain. Now I am overwhelmed with guilt for killing a person’s spirits the way I did to her. She said I was her only person she told all her problems to, so she don't feel comfortable telling her family and friends what she is going through.

I know I should give her space to heal but I am torn apart. I can't see her suffer and go through this alone. Fixing this relationship is not my concern. I just want the best for her. How can I help her heal? I apologized a million times. I begged for forgiveness.

She was an aspiring broadcast journalist. But she said that this relationship has taken away her drive to do anything. She has no energy to do anything. She just wants to cry and sleep and she has a hard time forgiving herself for allowing the unhealthy relationship to continue for 6.5 years.

I can't live with myself knowing that I ruined someone's life. I just want to help her please. How can I?