I Want My Parents To Believe Me

by Evangeline
(Dallas)

Hello, I'm Evangeline. I'm almost fourteen and I think I need help with my anger issue problem. I've been researching symptoms and taking tests and reading people's personal stories about anger and I know that I need to tell my parents.

But I don't think they're going to believe me.

One time, my sister and I were arguing and my mom just said, why don't you understand each other, and I told her it was the anger issues. But she just brushed it off and said things like, "You can control it," and "That’s not your problem, and you don't have issues, I mean, I get angry too!"

The problem is I know I have anger issues, especially of late, because I'm always yelling at my sister and insulting her and I've come very close to hitting her a lot of times. I also keep screaming in frustration, getting really impatient and emotional, hitting my hand against my bed frame and stress eating snacks a lot.

How exactly do I tell my parents that I have anger issues? How do I make them believe me and understand the fact that I need them to know about this so they can understand and help me? (Not exactly therapeutic help, it could be anger release exercises).

I really want them to know because I tell them everything and keeping something as big as this is going to hurt a lot.

Thank you.

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Mar 16, 2018
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by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Evangeline - Thanks for telling your story here. I will try to help, by telling you how to talk to your parents, and by giving you some choices if you don't get the support from them that you're looking for.

First, how to tell them. I suggest you follow these steps:

1) Write out what you want to say ahead of time, in case you get upset while you're talking. Your notes will help you stay focused.

2) Ask them to just listen until you're through talking, without interrupting or responding in any way.

3) Tell them why you're concerned about your anger. You don't have to use the term "issues" unless you want to. You don't have a condition, you just need to learn how to manage your anger in a healthy way.

4) Tell them specifically why you wanted them to know about this, and what you need from them in terms of support or assistance.

Regardless of how they respond, just say "Thank you for listening, I just wanted you to know." In other words, don't argue, or try to talk them into seeing things from your perspective. They may not be able or willing to do that.

Either way, this is what I recommend for you to better understand and heal your anger:

Read this web page, which focuses on three types of journaling processes to help with anger. Read the page thoroughly, several times. Then start the journaling processes, on a daily basis.

You will probably start to feel better right away, but don't stop at that point. You need to use these journaling processes as emotional coping tools that will help you get past your anger problems in the short term, and then off and on for the rest of your life, as you need to process some type of emotional challenge.

I hope this is helpful to you, Evangeline. You're growing up, so getting your parents to fully understand you might not be the most important thing at this point. You know they love you. Just try to understand yourself through these journaling exercises, then it will be easier to talk to them and others about your feelings.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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