I Love My Family So Why Do I Get So Angry?

by Jeff
(Minneapolis)

I'm in my late 40's with a wonderful wife and 3 great kids. My problem is that whenever I let my anger show it is always directed at my family.

I don't physically harm anyone but I scream and yell and make an ass of myself. The funny thing is, at work everyone adores me. My employees love me and even when I'm disciplining someone for workplace behavior or attendance, I don't show the kind of anger that I exhibit at my family for even the smallest things.

I need help fast! Could this have anything to do with the fact I was sexually abused as a child? I shared this with my wife about 8 years ago and things were great for a few years but now anger, frustration and feeling powerless are seeping back into my life.

The other part is that she has begun spending more time with her friends, and shares things with them that I feel she should be talking to me about. This only compounds my feelings of fear, loneliness and inadequacy and causes me to say things when we argue that I immediately regret like, "I want a divorce."

I'm tired of causing her and my kids pain. This has to stop.

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Sep 10, 2016
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You Can Do This
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Jeff

I'm glad you reached out here. You seem sincere in your desire to change. I will try to help.

You direct your anger at your family, for two reasons (as far as I can tell from what you've shared here).

1) You must at some level feel safe to let your anger out with these people who love you. Sad, but that sometimes happens.

2) Another, more important reason is that there is more love in family than anywhere else. Where there is the most love, there is also the most vulnerability, fear, and anger. That's why police officers will tell you that their most dangerous calls are for domestic violence.

I firmly believe that if you do the exercises you find on this page, you will start to get some understanding of your anger, and you will be better able to control it.

And the most important result is that you will be more of the kind, loving, good man that you really are. Think about this, Jeff. Think about the man you want to be, and make up your mind to use the tools I've shared with you to become fully and completely that man.

You can do this.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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