I Just Want To Know What To Do

by Anonymous

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over two years, and we've more recently had abusive issues.

Alcohol is almost always involved, he's admitted to being an alcoholic multiple times, and getting him to stop drinking so much is one thing I've been trying to make him do.

When one of us upsets the other, we always sit down and talk about it, but then after that the conversation turns haywire no matter what. He's then telling me all these things I'm doing wrong, how things are always my fault because I'm doing this, and I'm doing that, and pointing fingers at me.

Then, when I try to talk, (sometimes over him) he's lost all control. I'm not one to sit and point fingers over things, I'm always taking accountability for myself and I try to get him to see where I'm coming from but it seems like he can't understand until after the fact.

I'm constantly hearing how it’s my fault when this happens. He says I push him to that limit. Does he really think I want this? If it's me why doesn't he just leave me? I tell him that at the time, but the point is that at the end of the day, I love him so much.

Sometimes I think maybe it is me. He's only the second boyfriend I've had and I've never had this issue with my last. And he says goes the same for him.

So do we work at this? Do we let it go? I'm just scared. It gets so bad sometimes where he'll threaten to kill me, choke me out and hit me, etc.

I hate that I'm going through all this with him, neither one of us deserves it…right?