How To Deal With Impulsive Reaction Of A Husband

by Bella
(VA USA)

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have a 3 year old boy. We are both sensitive beings. I myself have a corrupted image of myself and obviously a lot of our arguments are because I always feel I am not good enough.

To others I may look professional, successful, and happy, but deep inside I do not think I love myself. At least not enough. I know that and I struggle every day to not feel this way.

I can describe my husband as someone who always sees himself as a victim. He feels like he is never heard. He gets angry very quickly and has impulsive reactions. He is very jealous towards everyone and specially me. He has OCD and came from a family where his mother and sister were extremely bossy and his opinion was never heard or mattered, however he is emotionally dependent on them.

He loves a military style of child development, very disciplined. I fear that will make our son align with my husband's views. We can go from being loving to hating, and stop talking for a day or two in a matter of seconds.

His impulsive reactions really bother me and make me feel unsafe. For example tonight, he was putting our son to bed while I was ironing. My son asked for me to sing to him once he was in bed.

My husband said that he has done the hard work of doing my son's night routine and I should not be the one to sing to him. My son persisted, so I went in. My husband got upset and stormed out.

As he is walking out I started saying: You are not good to this family if ... and he came back and screamed I am not good for this family. Do you know how hurtful this is? And he did not let me finish the sentence. I was trying to say you acting so jealous for something as simple as a mother saying goodnight to her son, can ruin our relationship and damage the boy.

But he never listened for me to finish. I calmly put my son to sleep and came out. I went to our room and I said what I meant wasn't you are no good to us and again he cut me off and he has never used f word before and he said F--- off. I was so shocked to hear this, and a bit scared to be honest.

Another time, I put my son to bed and was in the bathroom before heading downstairs for dinner that his mom made. He stormed in and accused me of wasting everyone's time. I just gave him a look that he did not like. When I tried to leave the bathroom without getting into confrontation with him, he blocked me and I bumped into him. He yelled that he is tired of me.

That time I was scared too. Are these issues a big deal? I started feeling it is. Should I be scared for my son's safety? What can I do to alleviate the problem? Or are we doomed?

Sometimes I think about when my son is 18 and in college I will leave my husband as I make good money and can support myself, but sometimes I feel like that may need to happen sooner.

Have you seen situations like mine escalate to divorce? He is not willing to see anyone for his anger and I feel so helpless in getting any help for him. I am sad. This is the one big issue I see, that if it wasn't there I would have liked to be with him.