How Do I Know If I Need To Walk Away From This?

by Jennifer
(California )

Hello. My name is Jennifer and I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now. The struggle we are currently going through is when we get into an argument, we go from being totally great one minute to being completely abusive towards each other the next.

I personally have an issue when we disagree on something and he doesn't like it. He will throw something at me or curse at me in a rude way to get under my skin. My first reaction there is to not let him disrespect me and I usually blow up and yell back. And then things escalate very quickly after that.

He has pushed, shoved, held me down and threaten to hit me back (when I have slapped him). Finally when our fight is done I walk off and start immediately crying. I cry because I was raised in an abusive household, where my mother was physically beaten.

I get in shock when I am being abusive towards my boyfriend. I feel as if I'm seeing all of it from a third person. We both love each other a lot, and we are in desperate need to know how to save our relationship before it’s too late and/or when one of us gets truly hurt the next time.

We both want the abuse to stop. We see how it's killing us emotionally and want to go back to when we were not being physically abusive towards one another. I would highly appreciate any feedback on how to control ourselves when we get into an argument. Or how to stop being abusive with one another.

Thank you for your time.