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Getting Hit By Lightning

by MEM
(USA)


Long story short for both of us. I started meditation about 6 weeks ago but could not come up with any reasons for the intense anger that I was becoming more and more aware of.

My spouse took a vacation day and I woke up wild....just wild. I went into meditation before I blew a fuse and all of a sudden I understood that I was not mad at the spouse, but that I was always angry and my spouse just happened to be there when I was triggered.

I started thinking then how my anger has been my constant companion since I was a child and has been accompanied by tantrums at times, but not within the last eight years.

I did suffer neglect as an infant, and was removed from my home and had to go and live with an aunt when my mother left me as an infant in my crib. My father was working 12 hour shifts and did not know she was leaving me alone...I don't actually feel anger at that situation mainly because I don't remember it, and because it did happen before I was 2 years old.

I think I am that type of person who simmers....where the anger is always there, and everyone can see it except me, and then I am only able to see it when it boils over.

My question is a complex one.

Can childhood abuse ever be truly healed, or is the child always going to suffer in some way or form? I mean the abuse happened, and we can never undo the past.

Anyway, thanks for your input. I appreciate it very much


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Jul 24, 2020
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by: MEM

I do appreciate you taking the time to reply to my query. Thank you

I also feel a bit hopeless now after weeks of meditation and the realization that in this lifetime, not much is going to change but awareness. Ok...awareness is good and healthy, but I feel that for some reason I am finally mourning the fact that I had a different lot in life and it was not all positive and may not lead to any lasting changes for me

But I will continue with the meditation. I feel meditation at this point is like being in a small life boat, I know the ocean is Large and filled with danger, but a beautiful island with fresh fruit and dry land could also be the outcome of this leg of my journey.

Again, Thank you so much for your reply

MEM
Jul 24, 2020
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by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for submitting your story here. I've known of this happening before, where meditation brings emotion and emotional awareness to the surface.

While it is clearly upsetting, as you have experienced, it is also increasing your self-awareness, which is an essential component of your overall mental health.

Your question about healing from childhood abuse is a good one. I'll do my best to offer an answer.

The short answer is yes, you can heal from childhood abuse. Imagery with the inner child is the best way that I am aware of.

The longer answer is that your past is a resource for self-awareness and self understanding. As adults, our triggers are wired into those childhood trauma experiences, and when we bring healing to those traumatic memories, as in inner child work, it changes the wiring and makes our reactions less intense. This does not eliminate the trauma of course, but it will give you more conscious awareness when you're triggered, enabling you to make better decisions in how you deal with external stressors and your emotional reactions.

I hope this helps. Keep meditating, and keep asking those excellent questions!

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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