Feeling Sorry For What I Did To My Mother

by Hansa
(Mauritius)

Today when I woke up at 10, I went downstairs to see my mom. She was busy in the kitchen and was getting ready for work.


She told me to sweep the floor while she would be taking a bath. So, I thought I ought to press some of my clothes while she was going to take a bath.

After 20 mins or so while I was pressing some of my clothes my mom starts to yell at me, telling me that it was time to go to take a bath, and she wanted me to sweep the floor rather than to press some clothes.

But I insisted. She continued to yell at me telling me all sorts of thing. When she started telling me that she would marry me off if I fail my exams, my anger was out of control, so I just advance towards her and hold her hands firmly.

She then gave me a push and I couldn't control my anger, and I pushed her and scratched her. She started yelling "You beat me! The one who give you birth! What have I done to get a daughter like you! I'm cursing you!"

She then started crying so I went near her to console her and tell her I'm sorry, but she continued to cry.

I felt so sorry after doing what I did. I do not know what to do?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Hansa, and thanks for telling your story here. It sounds like you're a young adult, still living at home with your mother.

It is good and right for you to want your independence, and at times to resist your mother's authority. You don't have to have open conflict like you described here, and I see why that was upsetting to you and to your mother.

One comment is that the whole idea of your mother "marrying you off" is disrespectful to your independence as a human being. You don't belong to your mother or anyone. You belong to yourself.

I suggest that you begin making decisions about your future life, independent of your mother. You don't need to discuss this with her necessarily, just begin thinking in the direction of a happy, fulfilling life for yourself as a person.

You may want to apologize to your mother for your part of the physical conflict, even though it sounds like you both had mutual responsibility. You need to respect her authority as long as you live in her home, and when you live on your own you can be your own authority. But her authority does not give her the right to control your every move, or to shame or intimidate you.

Take charge of your life, Hansa, and believe in yourself. And move steadily, confidently toward the life you choose for yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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