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Child Abuse
Steps To Healing And Lasting Recovery

Authored by William G. DeFoore, Ph.D.


Child abuse of some form or another is more common than most people think. If you were hurt, abused, neglected or abandoned as a child, then that might help you understand and heal your adult anger control problems. 

inner child

Understanding what happened to you is the first step, and that means getting past your own walls of denial and self-protection.

This is not about blaming parents or anyone, this is just a matter of looking at what happened and how it affected you.

Those affects can take a lot of different forms. Anger is one of the most common results, while others include anxiety, depression, and/or difficulty in close, intimate relationships.

You are no longer a victim. You can heal. Start now, by telling your story here. 

How Do You Get Past The Walls Inside?

Remember, you are your own best anger management resource for healing and recovery. And the heart of that resource is deep inside you.

If you were hurt as a child (and we all were...), I promise you that pain is buried and protected by your own subconscious defense mechanisms.

Here are some ways to get past those layers of protection to the source of healing inside you:

  • First, understand that your past is present. Your subconscious mind remembers everything that ever happened to you, even though most of those memories are blocked for convenience and protection. And your subconscious mind is here with you, right now...that's why your past is present.
  • When you got hurt, violated, neglected or abandoned as a child, you blamed yourself--that's what we all do as children. That's called shame, and it is a major barrier to to self discovery and self healing. Think about the child abuse that happened to you, and tell yourself, "It's not my fault," over and over until you start to believe it.
  • Do everything you can to increase your self esteem and self worth. The more you love and appreciate yourself, the more easily you will move past those internal barriers.
  • Unhealthy anger is a major barrier to self healing and self discovery. Heal your anger now, and learn all about healthy anger and how it can help you with everything in your life!

Okay, so now you're getting past the barriers, so it's time to start focusing on the healing process. Well as you can see in the above list, the healing has already begun as you start moving past your barriers. 

How Do You Heal From Child Abuse?

First, you have to know what happened and how it affected you. You can't heal from child abuse if you don't have a clear understanding of what it was and who is responsible.

Here are the steps to healing that seem to work best from my 40+ years of experience:

  • Recognize that what happened was not your fault. The perpetrators are the responsible parties.
  • Understand that this is not a matter of blame or fault-finding. You're just facing the facts about who was responsible and who was not. Maybe your parents did the best they could to protect you, or maybe they were neglectful. Either way, as your adult caregivers they were responsible, and as a child you were not.
  • See into the depths of your pain. You need to be able to fully survey the damage in order to know how to heal from abuse. Be aware that neglect, which is basically unmet needs can be just as damaging as overt physical or sexual abuse.
  • Telling your story is perhaps the best tool of all for getting past the internal walls of protection after child abuse. Use these three journaling processes to review your trauma, direct and contain your anger, and begin refocusing your mind in a positive direction.
  • The imagery process in this audiobook will help you find the image of the wounded child within you. Imagery is key to your healing, and is perhaps the most powerful healing tool you have at your disposal.

If you were a victim of child abuse, I strongly encourage you to use the tools included on this page. Like any tools, the more you use them the better they will work for you. For information on recognizing and preventing child abuse, read this article from Child Welfare Information Gateway.

Remember--you are worthy, you have a good heart, and you can do whatever you set your mind (and heart) to! Wherever there has been child abuse, you will find a need for emotional healing. 

Preview the "Nurturing Your Inner Child" audio program below now.

inner child

NURTURING YOUR INNER CHILD
Affirmations & Visualizations For Self Love & Healing

Get this revised and updated version of Dr. DeFoore's classic CD/audio download program! Using a combination of visualization and affirmations, he will guide you on a journey of emotional healing that will lead to greater self esteem and self love. Don't miss this opportunity to connect with the tremendous value of your true, original nature and begin your journey to a joyful, fulfilling life.


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Have A Question Or Story?



Here's your chance to ask Dr. DeFoore about your situation. It can be about child abuse that you experienced or knew about. Tell your story with as much detail as possible, and he will give you some free counseling.

Then, if selected, the results will be a web page on this site that will help others! By the way, you can be anonymous if you choose, but if you include your first name, it's better.

What Other Visitors Have Said

Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...

Stepmother Vicious Beyond Belief 
I was 5 years old when my adoptive parents split up. They adopted me when I was 2 and my sister Kathy when she was a newborn. A daughter for her and …

After Years Of Abuse I've Cut Them Off 
When I was 11 turning 12, I moved with my father and stepmother. I quickly learned that she resented me. My father typed up pages of horrible allegations …

We Are Hurting Each Other And I Want To Stop My Part 
I am a 19 year old girl in a relationship with a 24 year old guy. Here is some background about me: My parents had me when they were both 17 years old. …

I Feel Lower Than Low 
I'm a 44 year old male, never married and no kids of my own. My childhood sucked. Sexual things done to me by my sister who is 4 years older than me. …

My Low Self Esteem Invited The Wrong Guy 
Recently, my husband has decided to vacate our three year marriage. Together a total of 15 years. I caught him cheating with a co-worker that is …

Denial Of Sexual Abuse 
When I was 3 years old I was sexually abused by my father. As I progressed in age I was sexually abused by my brother. I came from an alcoholic family. …

My Stepmother's Anger And Hatred Has Ruined My Life 
My stepmother has had an unreasonable hatred of me since I was 8 years old. I was about 7 when she married my Father. She has always been very jealous …

Healing After 27 Years 
I was 12 years old and camping with my best mate and a scout leader. We were both raped by this man and made to do things that were just wrong. I was young …

Premature Forgiveness When You're Not Sure Who Is Responsible Not rated yet
I have been married for 16 years. Ten years ago my daughter (15 at the time) accused my husband (her step-father) of sexually abusing her. It never …

I Was Abused As A Child And Now I'm Emotionally Abusive In My Marriage Not rated yet
Dr. DeFoore, I was emotionally and physically abused by 4 older brothers for over 14 years while growing up. I used my anger and resentment toward …

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