Angry Husband In A 42 Year Marriage

by Judith
(West Virginia)

My husband goes off at the least little thing. If I disagree with him in anyway, he yells at me. He never compliments me, he is never appreciative of anything I do for him.

Most of the time it is as if I don't exist in his world until he needs something, or if he wants to yell at me. We don't do anything together.


He refuses to take care of himself and will only shower once a week no matter how hard he's been working or sweating. If I complain about it he will tell me to go sleep somewhere else if I don't like it. His attitude, is, "if people don't like me the way I am, that's tough." He is always complaining that others have more than he does.

We have our own home, plenty of food, and enough money to pay our bills, yet he isn't happy with anything it seems. He seems to be almost as miserable with himself as he is with me.

I am to the point where I don't like to be around him. I leave the house as much as possible to get away from him. We have been married for forty-two years. He has always been this way, it's just getting worse now.

I know that if I left him, he would lose the house and all that he has and hate everyone more, blaming me for it. I don't want him to lose what we have. He refuses to move out. I just don't know how to deal with his uncaring, selfish attitude.




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Judith, and thanks for telling your story here. Your situation is very challenging, any way you look at it. It sounds like you feel stuck, where none of your choices look good.

I don't have the answer for you, obviously, about the right thing to do. Only you can make the decision to stay in or leave your marriage. I will offer some guidance and perspective for both choices, in hopes that this will help you know which is the right way for you.

The best thing, of course, would be if you could find a way to stay in your marriage and be more happy. For that course of action, I think you'll find all of the guidance you need on our page about relationship advice. You will also benefit by reading how to deal with abusive relationships.

If you try all of those exercises and still find that things are getting worse, you may find yourself considering the end of the relationship. If this happens, please read about letting go of a relationship.

Ultimately, Judith, you cannot change your husband...you probably know that. You can only change yourself, and he can only change himself, if he chooses to.

Have you told him exactly how you feel? Does he know how desperate you are? I know you may not want to share these feelings with him, but you do need to find a way to let him know what's going on with you, if possible, and if it won't make matters worse.

I wish you all the best in your journey to a happier life and relationship.

Dr. DeFoore