Thirty Seconds And Everything Changes

by Mike
(Morgan Hill, CA)

My name is Mike, and the mother of my two sets of twins is Amy. Amy and myself had grown up in homes of responsible parents, normal relatives. We both Went to school, and Amy graduated from a state university, myself only high school.

Then somewhere we both got into drugs, and that's when we met. Amy got pregnant with set # 1, she quit using and was doing good, living with her mother. Her mother and her don't see things the same and often fight, scream, and yell. They got into it one night, and the police showed up. They didn't take Amy or her mom, they took the kids.


I had been released from doing 10 months in county jail and was living with my parents. I was clean and doing very well. After 10 months in jail, that's when twin set #2 was on the way.

Yes I know, not too smart, but they're on their way. So set # 1 is in the custody of CPS, and set # 2 is due soon. We have full support from our families.

For the next year and a half, Amy and myself jumped through hoops for the county, and did everything that they wanted us to do. At first they told me that I had to do a 52 week anger management class. I said why, and they said because that's what everyone has to do. I said but I have never been in a fight, not at school, not at home, and not in jail.

And I was not present at the time the 1st set of twins was taken. Well after a year and a half they said, "Hey, you weren't even present when the kids were taken you don't need an anger class." Amy completed 10 times more programs than I had to, so here we are. We have both sets of twins and Amy's 13 year old daughter.

I have always worked and had become a tile setter with my own contractor's license, making very good money. So with the help of my parents we were able to rent a very large house and start our clean and sober family off right.

Well, there I was, living with twin set #1--boy and girl, set #2--boy and girl, plus the 13 year old daughter. Oh yeah, and there was grand ma. I don't know about you but I had never lived with five females before. so anyway, one night Amy and I got into a argument that led to me grabbing her and her biting me in the arm. I let go, then I left.

A couple of days went by, and I returned home and we tried again to live together. That was 2 years ago. Since then I have tried to prove my love to her in every way possible--yardwork, cleaning the house, mopping the floors, paying the bills and doing whatever I can to make life easier for her because raising all those kids is a big job.

Also, twin set #1 boy was diagnosed type 1 diabetic set #1 girl very difficult ADHD, A HAND FULL.

My life is what it is. I'm 46 years old, Amy is 35, my kids are 5 and 2, step daughter is 15. I work very hard every day. I am in charge of million dollar tile projects. I have usually a crew of 25 to 50 men I have to manage in the field and in charge of quality control. I have workers older than myself, the "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" kind of guys. Also very young guys, and I get along with all of them. My boss can't believe the rapport I have with them and the customers. I don't run my crew with screaming and yelling or beating them. Nor do I do that with my family.

But because we had that fight we have not had any kind of sex, love, touch etc. By the way, I did have a vasectomy.

She is insisting that I do a 52 week anger class. At $45 a class and with my work that is impossible. I love my wife and I'm not into hookers. I want to make love only to her.

Please help.




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Mike, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell that you're a hard working, good man, who just wants to have a loving marriage.

Since you are already clean and sober and in recovery, then I suggest you take a look at this page on relationships: Relationship advice.

You mentioned your sexual relationship with your wife, so you also might be interested in this CD program called Sacred Sexuality.

Hang in there, Mike, and keep doing the right thing, one day at a time. Believe in the goodness in yourself and your marriage.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore