I Try To Be Nice And Positive, But...

by Holly
(Alameda)

As a rule I try to be a good person. I don't judge anyone for anything they do other than the way they treat other people. Sometimes, someone will do something that will just really make me mad all of a sudden. Like if I make a joke and I'm so hyper that it comes off loud and someone tells me to "chill," it just pisses me off because I wasn't angry before!

Or when someone tells me to do something and I'm already doing it. Or when someone blames me for something I didn't do or claims I said something I didn't say and refuses to admit they heard wrong.


The worst is when someone lies to get attention. I can't stand someone who lies and I can't stand someone who's constantly begging for attention. There was one time where this girl who always lied for attention and everyone knew she was lying told me and my friends who she was trying to get to like her that she had sex with somebody, and no one was listening because we didn't care or want to hear about her made-up story.

I get back to school and my friend comes up to me and asks me "did you really make that story up about (name) having sex?" I was in total shock. I had ten people with me when SHE made it up about herself. Then she admits to me that she made it up but for some reason still was acting like I spread a rumor which I didn't. Everyone was on my side because there were ten people who heard her tell the story herself.

I never liked her to begin with, but I played it nice until this. I yelled at her and I just got so angry. I learned that she wasn't worth my time to hate her. But this year she's going to be in my choir class and I don't think I can deal with her trying to show off, bringing in crutches when she's not injured just for the attention, or any more of her lies. I know I have to keep things professional because I'm serious about singing and can't let her get in my way of improving, but I don't know if I can do it!

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Holly, and thanks for telling your story here. It is great that you have put so much thought into your reactions, and what sets you off. You're smart and healthy enough to know you don't want to keep reacting this way, because it will interfere with what you want to do in life, and it does not really reflect who you are inside.

Your anger is there for a reason, but it may not be the reason you think. All of these people around you doing things that bother you are just the surface triggers. You will never get all of the people around you to "act right," but you can definitely learn to be cool about it and focus on what is important to you.

To prepare for a good experience in your choir class, use this two part imagery process, which will help you prepare to be cool and not get triggered by the behavior of the girl who bothers you so much.

Make up your mind to focus on yourself and what you're creating in your life. Be fiercely concentrated on exactly what you want, and move ahead towards that.

You can do this, Holly. You are a good and bright person. Focus on the goodness inside yourself, and follow all of my recommendations, and you will get the results you want.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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