I Am So Confused, Living With My Family Of Love And Hate

by Warda

I grew up in a family with a lot of hate and love. I don't know which one is more. My parents' marriage is not a marriage anymore (maybe because it's so many years. But my mom totally hates my dad.

Anyhow I have a 5 year older brother. My brother is most calm in my family. My mom is a perfectionist, so basically she has a problem with everyone who is not perfect. My dad has anger issues, as he used to beat up my mom.

We all live together. I am a med student.
Life's pretty good except when I get angry, and this is usually on my mum or brother. There is some verbal abuse and physical violence, that sometimes I use for my protection, as generally people hit back when you hit them.

As for anger, boy I have a lot of anger and negative thoughts, but I never thought of hurting someone or me. And after 20 min or so after an anger episode I am all calm and embarrassed. My mum usually cries.

Needless to say the guilt is killing me, to an extent that I started thinking lately that I am going to hell. I know this is serious and I know I need help.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Warda, and thanks for telling your story here. It is good that you want to control your anger. The reason you feel guilty after an anger episode is that you are a good person, and you really don't want to hurt your family.

I realize you are surrounded by a lot of stressful emotions and relationships. I suggest you move out and get your own place, if at all possible. Either way, here are some things that will help, if you do the exercises.

Follow all of the steps on this FAQ page. These are powerful tools, if you use them consistently. I also suggest you use this page to let go of your parents.

Believe in yourself, Warda, and create a good life for yourself. Be sure and use these tools, and you will start to feel a lot better.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore