Anger At My Daughter And Husband

by Misty
(Houston Texas)

My name is Misty. I am 21 years old. I found out I have anger issues a few weeks ago. I also have a baby girl who is one year of age and a 4 year old daughter as well. I am married, and I love my husband. But I always get frustrated to the point where I always hit my daughter and make my husband mad for no reason.

I was raped when I was a little girl and I had my oldest daughter at the age of 16 in 2004. I married my husband in 2006 and I love him so much. My anger has made our marriage troubled to the point of almost a divorce. I had a best friend, but lost her cause of my attitude. I need some help before it gets worse.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hi Misty. Thanks for asking for help on this site. You are a good person, and that's why you want to do better and manage your anger. You don't want to hurt your daughter, and you don't want to destroy your marriage. That's because you are really good inside. Remember that, and act as if you believe it until you do. That will really help you.

The most important thing is for you to follow everything I recommend here so that you can stop hurting your daughter. She is a helpless child, and she cannot defend herself. Please, for her sake and yours, follow all of these suggestions until you can manage your anger and stop hurting your child.

You probably have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from being raped as a child. Use these guided imagery techniques to rescue your "child self" who was raped. This will help you a lot.

Read this page and then start your journaling process for healing any past issues you may have.

Keep writing on this site. I and other visitors will help you.

My best to you, Misty,

Dr. DeFoore

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Jul 04, 2009
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To Misty
by: Rose Waddell

When my children were small I was very much out of control with my anger. I said some things to them that I regret so much now. I hit them out of anger and then afterwards regretted it. Unfortunately, at the time that my children were little, hitting your children was an accepted part of parenting. Because I was abused as a child, I was repeating the same pattern with my own children, and I felt like I just couldn't stop doing it without help. I was very, very alone.

At some point when my children were still young I decided that I just couldn't go on being a bad mother. I couldn't continue to be my mother. I had to do something to stop the family patterns. I started to buy all of the books on parenting that I could find.

I also went to counselors and I read everything I could on dysfunctional families so that I could face the truth about my own family of origin. When I got Bill DeFoore's book on anger I found out that my anger was normal but that I wasn't expressing it in an appropriate way. I learned how to release my anger in a way that didn't hurt myself or the people I loved.

I was amazed at how much rage I had in me. I even scared myself. The anger releasing worked though. Writing about what happened to me as a child worked too. Recovery became a quest for me. My motivating force for doing all of this recovery work were my two sons. I wanted to be a better mother to them.

I was not raped as a small child, but I was incested by my father and my uncle. I know that this takes time to heal. It doesn't get better over night. It's not easy, but it's worth it. If you have the money or insurance, getting a safe counselor who believes in allowing people to get their feelings out would be wise. It's so horribly difficult to heal from this kind of trauma on your own. I know, because I tried to heal from it on my own, and I found out that I needed help. If you can't afford a counselor, a good incest/rape support group would work. Rape Crisis Centers also offer free counseling.

I believe that you will recover from your childhood. Your daughter's little faces will give you the incentive and motivation to keep going on your recovery and you will be such a good example to them of someone who had the courage to look at and to face the past so that your future will be better for yourself and for them.

If your husband goes into recovery with you and faces some of his own issues about his childhood, I believe that together you can have a wonderful marriage and be awesome parents. Being in recovery together is kind of like growing up together. When you know each others history, it's like you've known each other all of your lives.

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