How Anger Interferes With Communication
Most people just don't want to hear your anger, or what you're angry about. Why is that?
It's because most (unhealthy) anger is just complaining. If you're really honest with yourself, you will probably admit that you don't want to hear anybody complain, so why would they want to hear you? The only time somebody might want to hear your anger is if it fuels their own anger, which doesn't do you any good.
Let's look at how this works:
- Anger is a protective emotion, that arises when you feel threatened or opposed.
- So anger is objection, complaint, push back or plan of attack.
- Because it arises when there is a threat or perceived threat, you might say anger is a "pushing away" emotion, designed to create distance between you and others.
- If we agree that the purpose of communication is to create a bridge, a connection that fosters understanding and the exchange of information, then it's clear that unhealthy anger simply does not serve the purpose of communication.
"Unhealthy anger creates a defensive reaction, and shuts down the ability to listen and respond effectively."
William DeFoore
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So why do people try so often to communicate with anger? Good question!
It is simply out of frustration and a sense of helplessness, or the belief that "they won't hear me any other way."
Anger comes out of the emotions of fear and pain, and it's supposed to solve a
problem...yet it often only makes the problem worse.
Keep your positive connections working for you by discovering all of the ways to participate in the Goodfinding Community Online page.
What People Really Want To Hear From You
If the other person's not looking for someone to jump on their anger bandwagon, they really don't want to hear about your anger.
People are by nature smart, good, and problem solvers, as hard as that might be to believe sometimes...it's true.
So, what they want to hear from you is:
- Humor. Most people like hearing a good joke, or a funny quip at nobody's expense.
- Some interesting new information you've found about how somebody is making the world a better place with technology, kindness or innovation.
- Solutions you've discovered to some problem you've been working on, especially if it's a solution the listener might be able to use.
- People also like to hear supportive, encouraging statements about themselves.
You're too smart and healthy to go around complaining and being angry. Start focusing on what is good, right and working in your life, and you'll see things starting to get
better...if you stick with it.
Become a problem solver and a Goodfinder, and you'll find people much more interested in what you have to say, and good communications will grow in all of your relationships.
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This highly effective audio program, available as a CD or MP3 download, will help you focus on what is good, right and working in yourself and others, making it much easier to stay calm and communicate effectively.
Take advantage of the free previews when you click on the image above, and the no-risk return policy that
guarantees your satisfaction.
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The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.
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