The Healing Anger Newsletter (skip to where the new issue starts) brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.

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• What's New on AngerManagementResource.com?
• What Is Assertiveness?
• How Can I Learn To Be More Assertive?
• Healthy Anger And Your Health

You've heard the word "assertive," but what does it really mean? It basically means being clear and effective in your communication, without losing control or hurting anyone.

It would have been great if we had all learned this as kids, but it just didn't happen. So, let's start learning it now:

• Assertiveness is saying what you want and don't want, or what you like and don't like, in a calm and clear manner.


• Being assertive means communicating to others, "This is where I stand."


• It means standing up for yourself, without jumping on anyone else.


• Assertiveness skills allow you to get your point across, get good service, and make yourself heard when you need to be.


• Assertiveness training is something you absolutely need in order to get along in this world, be an effective parent, and create a healthy marriage or love relationship.

Everyone who is successful knows how to be assertive to some extent, or they wouldn't be successful.

Assertiveness is an essential part of communication skills in any workplace relationship or romantic relationship.

The first step is to heal your anger. You can't be successfully assertive when you're out of control with your anger.

Once that's accomplished, it's a matter of learning and practicing the assertiveness skills.

Here are the steps you can take to be more asserive:

• make sure your anger is healthy. The anger test will help you decide.


• The next step is to decide what really matters most to you--that gives you a glimpse of your values. Your assertiveness will need to be lined up with your values, or it will not come across like you mean it.


• Start focusing on what you like, and what you want in life. Shift your focus away from what you don't like and don't want--that helps you not get so angry.


• Now practice telling people what you like about them and the world around you.


• Next, start practicing assertiveness by telling people in a calm, straight-forward manner, "I would like..." "What I'm really looking for here..." and "What I want is..." The trick is you have to stay calm and focused, no matter how they react. Assertiveness doesn't guarantee you will get what you want, but it works a lot better than anger, because it isn't destructive.

Learn more about assertiveness training here. Becoming consistently assertive requires dedication and consistency, but you can do this if you set your heart and mind to it.

Make up your mind, to do this, and you will succeed. Never give up on yourself and what you want in life, as long as it brings no harm to others.

This audio CD program, also available for download as an MP3 file to play on your computer, iPod or other MP3 player, will help you learn to heal your anger and express it in healthy ways.

P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.

P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!